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August 25 Sorta's Bunch Hangin OutLast night was Ally-tude's last night of Tumbling at the local Tumble Cheer chapter. For a child that has no grace at all, she sure can tumble. She trips over a spot on the carpet, but is more than willing to do flips and rolls on the trampoline. I was amazed to watch her do all her little stunts. I watched the older girls doing backflip after backflip, huge tricks on the bars, and even flips on the balance beams. I wish I could keep her in it. I think that when I find a job, maybe I'll try to put her in it again. The boys want to do it too, but I think that it would be a waste of money. Maybe boy scouts or karate would be better for them. Anyways, pictures below of Ally-tude on her last night in tumbling.
After tumbling we went on our run. We go to the boys' school and do our running there. In the playground is a fitness track and it has sit up sections and other types of things you can do to build strength and endurence. I'll post a separate blog entry about that another time. The kids play on the playground there while I run, and I don't have to worry about them getting jumped by a group of other kids, and I don't have to worry about them running away. The entire area is fenced in!! So I plug in my headphone, get some music pumping through my brain, and just move my feet. Run away from they day, run away from all the feelings that I shouldn't have. It felt good just to run. I only did six laps, which I was way disappointed in myself. I could do nine on July 4th, but I can't seem to get back up to that point. Maybe I need to change my music a bit, and that would help. I went from metal to country, and country is not workin out so great. Get some Godsmack or some Tool pumpin, I'll keep ya updated on how it's goin.
Last night, we got home about 9:00pm, which is about thirty minutes after little Sortas are supposed to be in bed, and I immeadiatly ran them through the bathtub and right into bed. By the time it was all said and done, it was quarter till ten. I finally headed to bed myself, thankful that I was so tired I couldn't think, and I don't really remember my head hitting the pillow. Blessed sleep, it felt so good. August 24 My Little MenI have two boys. Toadman and Doodlebug. Toad is nine now, and in fourth grade. Doodle is six, and in the first grade. For being brothers, I don't think these two kids could be any more different, yet so alike in things that they do. Toadman loves models and painting, he took third in the distric art fair last year for the entire third grade group in our entire school district. I think there are five elementary schools. Why did he rank so high? Toad took many different colors and spent hours coming up with the right color that he wanted. He talked another kid in class into giving him some glitter from her notebook. Literally, scraped all of it off so he could sprinkle it all over the fish. For the base of it, he used a regular color, but painted it to where it looked like it had a shadow across the bottom of it, giving it a 3-D look. All in all it was an awesome effect. I was so proud of him, I still brag about it to this day, obviously.
Doodle is a child of completely different making. Doodle loves to make contraptions. Once he rigged up a contraption to get dressed. He sleeps on the top bunk of his bed. The contraption fixed to the side of it, holding his pants to where all he had to do was slide right down into them. His shirt was suspended in the air so that all he had to do was sit up tall and reach up for the arm holes. He made these things out of yarn. With a million little knots, which required me to have to cut it all apart to wash the sheets and blankets. He was so unhappy with me. Doodle loves to draw. He doesn't draw the normal puppies, or cats, or stick people. He draws designs. In kindergarden last year, he designed a tree house, complete with how long each side should be, and how many planks high he wanted the walls to be. The teacher last year saved it for parent teacher conferences, I was so impressed. I took it to my dad's house and showed him, he was equally impressed. As Dad and I walked out of the garage, Doodle was trying to take apart the tractor with a wrench and hammer. Wonder how impressed he was then, LOL.
My boys, as normal boys, fight like you wouldn't believe. Toadman is fast to hit Doodle, while Doodle instigates the fights normally, then whines loudly for me to come "save him". Anymore, I just let them fight, but lately it has been driving me absolutly crazy. To the point of setting them both apart from each other and making Toad's bottom bunk bed, into a fortress that only he can go into. And Doodle's top bunk into a loft bed that only he can go into. Just when I thought things were going well in there? Another fight broke out. Frustrated and having lost all my patience I sent the boys outside to play. I live in a low income place, so going outside alone is a treat for them, there are alot of drugs and violence here, and I seldom allow them out. I looked out and didn't see any other kids, or any "bad guys", so I opened the window and let them play in their boundries. I went to the bathroom and came back out, and Toadman is getting jumped by four little black kids, two of them bigger than Toad! Furious I raced outside, leaving Ally-tude in the bathtub to fend for herself. I get out there and Doodle has the biggest kid from around the neck, while kicking him in the kidneys. Doodle is literally suspended in midair with his only support this kid that he's choking the life out of. Toadman has another one of the big kids down on the ground, beating the crap out of him with his bare hands. I grab both my boys and with one under each arm, we walk back into the building and to the second floor to my apaprtment. By the time we got to the living room, both boys were limp in my arms. I had never seen them fight anyone else like that, they had always beaten the hell outta each other! Come to find out, another kid had come up to Doodlebug and knocked him down, breaking his glasses. Toadman had come to Doodle's rescue, to save him from this other kids. Thats when the whole tribe of other kids started in. It was a 7 on 2 fight, and the boys were struggling to hold their own. I was furious! I know that boys fight, and I know that sometimes you have to fight even if you know that you're going to lose. That still doesn't make it any easier though for a mom. Not much I can do about it though, because the boys have to learn how to stand up for themselves, and I'm sure the last thing that they want is for mom to come and save the day, leaving the other kids to think that they are just momma's boys.
Regardless of all of the fights between my boys, I'm glad to see though, that they stand up for each other. So this morning, I walked the kids to the bus stop, and I seen a group of the same little boys, waiting for the boys. After all the kids got on the bus, I talked to the bus driver and explained what was going on. Her responce? "What do you want me to do about it?" Somtimes? I wonder what the point is.  August 23 Yay, My Blogger is Fixed!!Well after four days of messing with this damn thing I think I got it up and running again. Too much has went by for me to catch up, so I'll just pick up from here and go on.
Today was Ally-tude's first day of school!!! She started preschool today! She immediatly went to bed last night when asked, the first time, which totally shocked me. Normally, she needs a few drinks of water, a couple extra hugs, and don't forget Becky! Becky is her favorite doll right now. So when she immidatiatly jumped into bed, and was sound asleep in less than five minutes, I was completely floored. She was so excited about going to school. For years now, she's watched her older brother trotting off to school on the bus, or going with me to the school to eat lunch with them, or do some type of school activity. She's become my best helper for room parties and PTA functions that I've had to set up or go to. So now that it's her turn to go, she was so excited she could barely contain it.
She was up at 6:30am. Normally, she doesn't drag her happy little butt out of bed till at least 8:30 or so. Gave her a bath, blow dried her hair, put it up, and brushed her teeth. She picked out her favorite dress the night before and laid it out, then changed her mind at the last minute and started tearing through her closet. I have absolutley NO idea where she gets this from, I never do that (yeah right,you should see me get ready to go out, it's a mess. Yet I digress). So after several outfit changes I finally sit her down, re-do her hair, just as the boys are waking up and getting around.
The bus picked up between 7:15 and 8:00. Which left me and Ally-tude outside for the better part of fourty-five minutes. Leaving the boys in the apartment alone to fend for themselves to get ready. Normally, I sit there and read to them while they get ready for school, so without me right there to stop any play time, things ran amok. Before I knew it Doodlebug was coming to me whining how Toadman hit him, and Toadman on Doodlebug's heels telling me how he had every right to, and that Doodle should have done this and not that.... or somthing like that. Hell I don't know, they fight so much, I wanna smack them both half the time (they are actually great kids, all the fighting drives me insane somtimes). Anyways, so all of us are sitting on the front porch waiting for the little yellow school bus. Ally-tude sees the bus first and runs to the end of the sidewalk where the school bus picks up, and she's the first one on the bus.
She gets on the bus, and she sits next to the neighbor's little girl, and looks out the window. I think at that moment she realized, I wasn't going to school with her. She started to struggle a bit, and the bus attendent calmed her down and gave her a hug and Becky (her favorite doll, that I had snuck to the bus driver while Ally-tude wasn't looking) and then walked away. Ally-tude was looking out the window and she looked so sad. I felt terrible. A sigle tear rolled down my baby angel's face, and my heart broke. I had made up my mind that I would take her to school, and if she didn't like it, she could come home with me. After all, it's only preschool. Right then, the bus started to pull away. Leaving me with my hand in the air, waving to my little girl as she went off to her first day of school. The second the bus turned the corner, the tears came. I'm such a big cry baby at times, especially when it comes to the kids.
About 20 mintues after Ally-tude left for school, the boys were on the bus and on their way to their school. Leaving me all alone int he house. For those who don't know, ever sence I decided that I married a worthless piece of shit, oops I mean the kids' dad, I dedicated my life to my children. I've been a stay at home mom for 7 years now, and my life revolves completely around my three babies. I've let go of everything else, just to make sure they have what they needed.
Growing up, I lived in a kick ass house. The house rocked, was an old victorian style that my dad and my step-mother renovated over the years. As far as love and hugs and kisses though, I was severly lacking. I grew up having a very low self esteem, and never seemed to fit in anywhere. My dad drank alot at the time, and was very abusive towards me. His favorite wepon of choice was the belt or his fist. I hid it well I think, but I think alot of the grown ups knew. My step-mother was cold and indifferent towards me, but I didn't know any different, because I didn't meet my real mother (Gramma Beano) till I was an adult. Anywho, I digree. My point in bringing out the history book, is to show how much I love my kids. They are my everything, and in turn, I am there's. I give them 100% of everything about me.
So when I turned around to come inside my apartment, I realized for the first time, in a very long time, I was completely alone. Most stay at home mom's would have jumped for joy I think. Completely, happy-excited-thrilled to have some private time. I wasn't though. I sat at the kitchen table and made out bills, and found myself crying. Wondering if I was doing the right thing, and hoping that I hadn't made a mistake sending Ally-tude to preschool. I know in my heart it was the right thing to do, but it was still so hard. I thought I'd lay down, take and take a nap. I had sent out fifteen resumes and cleaned the house. As I laid down, I felt myself falling asleep, then jerked right back awake when I heard the trash man coming by to pick up the trash. I thought I had over slept and missed Ally-tude getting off the bus.
By the time Ally-tude got home, the quiet was about to drive me mad. I was there when she got off the bus, camera in hand. Her smile was so big, that she was the Chesire Cat. She was absolutely glowing. She had had a great day, and was so excited to share all her songs and adventures of the day. She came upstairs wiht me, ate a snack, and then fell asleep at the table, tuckered out from her morning of school. I picked her up and carried her to her bed, tears flowing again. This time because I was glad she was home, and even though she was asleep, at least I could look at her and keep her my baby angel for a little bit longer. August 22 TestingOk, here goes the first blog from an email
address. This is a test, only a test, from the Sorta's Busy Bunch
broadcasting system...... this is only a test. MSN Spaces Sucks ArseWell, I can't get into my blog from my house, so here I am at SBG's house and can finally update. It's been days now and I still can't upload an entry or even post a picture. It is starting to tick me off enough to go to BlogSpot. Anyways, thing are progressing normally at the Sorta household. School has started and Ally-tude starts school tomarrow. My baby angel is growing up, it breaks my heart. She leaves me at 7:15am in the morning. Inspections all this week, again. HUD loves to come look through things.
Last night we went to the laundry mat, all four of us. We were there till probably ten, and wouldyou believe all the kids actually helped to get the laundry done? The boys even carried it up for me this morning before the school bus picked them up. I was so proud of them. While we were at the laundry mat there was another mother, with her two children. Both were boys, and they seemed to be about Toad and Doodle's age (nine and six). They were completely running wild. They were running around screaming at each other and literally knocking things off the table. While my kids sat, Toad read us a story from our Dragon book series that we have been reading (second time around). I worked on my baby blanket for my step sisters' babies. I have to admit I was damn proud of my kids. They were so well behaved.
I never could get the pictures of R-town to load to this blog for Lil' Bit, so don't look for them to be posted. Hopefully, I can get something accomplished to make this better soon. On that note, apparently, someone thinks he has lost his mind. I'm guessing it was about me. Never seen anything wrong about someone trying to help someone who used to be a friend. Maybe, I shouldn't, last thing I want to do is cause problems. People grow and people change. Ten years ago, things were different, I guess to some they never change. I am thinking somthing happened after I left, either that or as a teenager, I was terrible, and I have to admit, I was prolly not the best kid in the world. I had issues, like every other teenager. Who does't! It's ok though. I've grown and changed. Not sure why it bothered me to read "YES I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!". Perhaps, I just think to much. Enough about that.
I can't wait for my blog to be active from my house. I miss my daily rants. Perhaps it will be up soon, and I won't have to drive to Independence just to blog. I've got it set to email publishing, maybe that will help. August 20 Blog for Lil' Bit --sorry can't upload pics please stand byI have an old dear from over in the "sand box" of the world. Iraq to be precise. Back in the day, when he said he wanted to go into the service it scared me to death and I wouldn't even talk about it. Of course this is before the big "Oil War" broke out. Last I talked to him, he wanted to do it. Now that he's a grown up, I guess he went and did exactly that. Lil Bit is truely a war hero. In his third tour, over in the desert, trying to live life and get by. He's an inspiration to me, when I get upset, I think of all of the things that he must be going through and the horrors of war. Especially in the medic feild. I have alot of pride for him, and I'm so proud of his accomplishments, and I'm sure his children are and will be also.
In the hopes of trying to keep his spirits up, I made this entry for him. Maybe some snap shots of R-town, the place where we both grew up, will help him to feel a little better, make him not so homesick. So here ya go, Lil Bit, just for you my friend. Keep up the heroic job and just keep breathing. We'll all be here when you get home.
edit: Ok so i'll try to make a page just for R-town pics and such. Spaces is being a pain in the ass. Sunday RamblingsNormally, I don't post on Sundays. However, the cartoons are still going and I finished another square for the blanket I'm making. However, the squares me be used for placemats. Eh, who knows. I also have a small book shelf that needs some loving care. Right now it's just primered, sitting in the corner holding up the candle holders. I'm thinking about painting it a black semi-gloss, I don't think I want anything flat. However, I have wood stained in my living room, so I'm not sure how good black is going to go. There was an idea that RiRi had, to get some bamboo looking wallpaper and afix it to the sides, like you would paint. Rearrange my fake flowers to make it look like a huge plant!! I could do that I guess. Maybe, we'll see.
The bird eggs still havn't hatched yet, we are coming up on a full week sence the first one. Usually the incubation period for these eggs are ten days. That means only a few more days until we have babies!!!! On better news, I got my test results back from the Endchro. No cancer. Yay!! Three years cancer free! Viva La Sorta!! Had a weird dream about a haunted house, would you believe it was the house that I lived in as a child? I've lived in a haunted house before, it's scarey yet exciting at the same time. More later on my fascination with the paranormal. OOOOooooooooohhhhhhhh spooky ;) August 18 Good-bye Annie, Hello Lil' BitWell I was so excited about trying out for Annie this year at the Theater Park in Gladstone. I have been practicing and singing up a storm trying to get my voice back into shape. Would you believe audtions were Tuesday!! I was really bummed out. I figured they would be till sometimes around Christmas. I guess they did auditions early because of all the kids that will be in the play. So looks like I won't be auditioning for the play, as much as I wanted to. However, there is always the year after, and they do need help with the sets and things of this nature. I'm just gonna have to bide my time, keep practicing and wait! UHG!!
Thats the end of this weeks blog fest. Welcome to a new reader....... Lil' Bit. Sign up and you can blog right along with us. Don't worry man, I won't tell anyone where ya got your name. Old radio shows, Old birds, ......Being single again has it's many downfalls, however it has alot of good things too. I have been getting out more with the kids, and we have been having a blast. Ally-tude had gymnastics last night. I swear that child is part monkey. She's already walking on the beam above the "foam block pit". Last night, she did a roll, stood back up, rolled again, then jumped off. I was in shock. I'm 30 years old, and to be honest, even with those foam blocks there in the pit, I still would have been terrified. Not Ally-tude though, she just keeps on pushing the limits and boundries, not only mine, but hers as well. Toadman bought a new model last night, he worked on it till prolly ten, saying all the while "Just one more minute mom! I'm almost done!" Finally at ten, two hours after bedtime, I forced him into submission. It is a snap-together plane model that he redid the paint scheme on. He's so proud of it. Doodlebug brought home a book yesterday, and read it to me. Not that he couldn't read before, cause he could, he read one of Toad's favorite books from first grade. Moonbear. He really seems to be liking first grade.
Every night, instead of TV we have been listening to old radio shows. This weeks set is the "Ray Bradbury Theater". Has a ton of sci-fi stories from Orsen Well's War of the Worlds to Dimension X or X-One series. At first the kids thought it was pretty cheesey, but the more they listen to it, the more they seem to enjoy it. While listening to the old radio shows, I have been working on blocks for the new blanket (I think) that I'm making. I've had to put down the other blanket for awhile, it was litterally driving me insane. The same color over and over and over. With the blocks though, I can connect them to make a new structure. For now though, it's fun to make the blocks, and I really think this is gonna be the better way to make a blanket.
Oh yes there is more news, I noticed that the birds have started to lay more eggs. I am up to seven eggs in one of the nests now. I think both of my females are laying in one next. While Sir Reggie won't let anyone else in his/Matilda's (my poor dead bird) nest, that leaves all three of the other birds to nest in the opposit nest in the cage. Which makes Harry Potter a stud. What man hasn't dreamed of two women to call his very own. *wink*. It's been a week sence the first set of eggs was laid. I can't wait to see how many hatch.
(censored..... for those that have already read it? EEK!) August 17 Sorta: Emotional Wreck or Self AnalysistI know who I am. No one else knows who I am. If I was a giraffe, and someone said I was a snake, I'd think, no, actually I'ma giraffe.
- Richard Gere Today when I signed online, I seen this quote on my google homepage. As much as I could care less about Richard-Dick Queer I have to admit I really like his quote. I have a problem trying to get people to understand what I am saying, and try to get them to accept my way of thinking. Somtimes this is just a huge pain in the ass, and other time, it drives me completely crazy. Especially with my exhusband, he's kind of a lunitic anyways these days, but he never fails to tell me how worthless and invaluable I am. From little things like Ally-tude starting school next week to big things, like he quit his job so he didn't have to pay child support. I won't go onto a tirade about him right now, I'm sure there will be plenty of time for that later on down the "blog" road. Sometimes, I have to force myself to calm down and to think rationally. What exactly as you trying to prove, and what good is it going to do to prove it. Will it cause me more head/heartache than it's worth? Or is this somthing that is completely out of my control to begin with? I'm trying to learn to be more patient and understanding that not everyone thinks and believes like I do. I think it's the ever-present need to be accepted. Even though, I shouldn't care what other people think, sometimes the things that others say hurt me deeply. To the point where I start to question my OWN self worth and values. The most I can do is try to always remain calm. My worst fear is being so non-emotional that i damage the kids self esteem. I don't worry about flying off the handle in a fit of rage (normally). I very seldom get that mad. I internalize alot of the feelings that I have. I've always been like that. That's why I like blogging. I get to let it all out, and just be me. I'm not constantly getting a drink of water, or kissing a boo boo. Somtimes, I just need to be me. I guess that's why I like this quote so much. Even though no one else may believe in me, or stand behind me, as long as I believe in myself, I can accomplish great things. August 16 School DaysToday was the first day of school! So of course the boys were up at 4:30am getting ready. UHG. Luckily, they are old enough to get themselves dressed. I finally got up about 5:30am, and we read our dragon book, we made our lunches, and double checked that we had everything ready. Finally at ten till eight I could hold them off no longer. We walked down to the school, and I let the kids run all over the playground for a bit, to run off some of that energy. The boys were so excited, they were jumping out of their skins! I managed to wrangle them all in, so that we could go into the school. With my camera ever present, I began snapping a whirl-wind of pictures. I'll add them in my add photos, but I want to set up a photobucket account. I just havn't had time.
We went to each of our new classrooms and took a picture and even got a picture with Dr. To-Ward our favorite principal. Hope ya get a kick out of the pics, I had a blast taking them! August 15 Ok.... who signed me up for room mom?wow!! talk about a busy day!!!
Had our household stuff to do this morning, you know, dishes, laundry, the ever nasty childrens' bedrooms. Finally after much work and alot of patience the kids' got their rooms clean and we were off to get our other stuff done. Off to the barber for hair cuts for the boys. Of course we can't go to Walmart or SuperCuts... we have to go to a real barber that talks baseball and other manly type of things. The place always smells like my granddad, Old Spice and sour beer. YUCK! However, the cuts are cheap and the boys love it. This year was the first year that Toad could pick out his own hair cut. I was really nervous, and definetly reserved the right to nix any cut that I didn't like. There were only a couple of requirements I had. 1. No hair dye, I didn't birth you with green hair. 2. Has to be short, I won't raise a hippie/skater child and last but not least 3. No mullets (rat tails... ok. no mullets). Actually Toadman did a really good job designing his head. Three racing stripes, and short and spiked on top. Easy enough it seems, enough to wear I can touch it up at home if i want/need to. Doodlebug of course has his little Ryan Seacrest flip in the front and short in back, I know this because I pick out the hair styles till fourth grade. Ally-tude sat in the chair for a "trim", which was the barber running his fingers through her hair and spraying her with water. She was happy though, so I had no little diva fit to deal with. Strange, older the kids get, the more they seem not to need me. You would think with the kids being nine, six, and four that they would still be clinging to my pant legs, but they don't much. Well Ally-tude does, but she's a real momma's girl anyways.
After all that we came home and chilled for a bit, watched a movie and I jumped online. Noticed a had a few messages from my MySpace account. I didn't have time to check them, so I just left it till later. I paid some bills, and then noticed "Oh hell we're gonna be late, if we don't hurry!!!" So I lined kids up by the door, and as we were walking out the phone rang. Everyone back in and I checked the caller ID. It was my dad!! He doesn't call often so I was worried that something might be wrong with him or one of my step sisters. Nothing was wrong at all, he just wanted to jaw. The entire time I'm telling him, "Yeah, dad that's great, but I really gotta go, I'm already late. Yeah, I'll call ya later". Finally got off the phone and the kids and I headed to the school. We only live 3 blocks from the school, and with gas so high, we decided to walk the short distance to the school. By the time we got there, the place was packed!! Doodle's teacher in first grade is the same teacher that Toad had when he was in first grade (yay!! I loved her). Toad's teacher is pregnant this year, so she'll be leaving in October and returning after Christmas break. When I walked into Toad's class, I noticed that my name was on the board. That always worries me, and it should. I am classroom mom again. I guess I made a big impression on the teacher last year, because I was nominated without even being asked! I should be really thankful I guess, and I am, I just kinda freaked. You're name on the blackboard is never a good idea. Glad it turned out ok.
Got home and checked my email and finally checked my MySpace account. One email was titled "Wow..... a blast from the past". It was J-man (yeah gotta love these wacky names). I had dated him in highschool. We had quite a history back then. I was shocked to see him on there! The weirdest part of all is that when I was in R-town last weekend, I actually drove by the last place where I knew his mother to live! I seen an old beat up car in the drive way, and it took me down memory lane. I wondered what he was up to, then sure enough a few days later, there he was, in my inbox. Strange how those things happen.
So finally all the kids are sleeping, and I'm sitting here banging out this blog entry on my keyboard, and I'm wondering........ do I have any margita's left? I am so due one tonight. August 14 We have babies!!!!!!!!Yesterday, on my return home, I changed the food and water in the birds cage and changed the liner in the bottom. I had made up my mind that my birds weren't going to lay eggs, and maybe they just needed more time to get to know each other. To give some history, my ex-boyfriend gave me 4 zebra finches for me and the kids. Two females and two males. They all paired up. After a few weeks, one of the females died, leaving one female and two males. Matilda (my bird), Sir Reginald (Toad's bird), and Harry Potter (Doodlebug's bird). Matilda was my very best friend. She had one eye, the other had been poked out, and one of her feet didn't open right. It was in a permenant clutch. Several times, I thought I was going to lose her, but she always managed to pull through. She amazed me with her determination and stamina. When Zero (my ex boyfriend) dumped me after a year and a half unexpectedly, I was crushed. Matilda never failed to listen to me cry and talk. Even though my problems were so insignificant to her, she always appeared to be listening to my useless human problems. I was heartbroken to find her one morning in the bottom of the cage convulsing. She was egg bound and couldn't pass the eggs that she was carrying. I ended up putting her down and buring her near a tree, with a few tears to say the least.
A few days later, I purchased 2 new birds. Two females to companionate my two male birds. I bought another nest at the same time and hookup the cage with all the new toys I had been getting. Back to present. When I went to take out the nests, to clean them up, and then put them away for a bit, Anora (Ally-tude's new bird) began to bite at me. After hand training Matilda, Anora has been a pain to deal with. I had blisters on my hands from digging the ditch all weekend, and wouldn't you know? That's exactly where she attacked! Ripping open two blisters, causing me to call her several bad names. When I finally got the nest out, I reached in to pull out the stuffing and felt four little eggs. No bigger than mini-jellybeans. I was so excited!!!! I was thrilled to know that we are going to have babies!! I have cut up some fruit and put it in the cage, and I have been watching them diligently. Soon, we'll have new birds! I can't wait! August 13 Weekend in R-townThis weekend was spent the weekend in R-town. We pulled into town about 1:30pm on Friday afternoon. We drove by all my favorite old spots just checking out what had changed and what was still the same. We drove by my hometown church and seen that there was a Vacation Bible School in session. So at 5:30pm we were there with bells on, ready to get schooled by God. This is the church where I found God and where I went to escape the problems in my childhood home. This church became my family. The family that accepted me and took me in when I felt unloved and unaccepted by the rest of the world, including my home family. I so happy to see my childhood, best friend, K___. When I was growing up she lived right across the street. Although she was several years younger than me, we were still thicker than theives. She's married now to another school friend of mine, T______. My dad and his dad are good friends, or at least sociable. It was good to see them again. Then came the dreaded question: "hows your parents doin?" I stumbled through the I'm sure they are fine speach that I have given a million times. At some later point I will get into the very intricate tangled web of my family. Until that time, the less you know, the better off you'll prolly be.
After church, we went back to my Dad's house and watched Finding Nemo, the kids love that movie. We fell asleep in our chairs and I was awoken at 4:00am by my Dad and his girlfriend, GA, putting a few things together to take to the lake. Apparently, a friend of their's is very ill and they went to visit them. Leaving me and the kids in their HUGE 5 bedroom house, sitting on 10 acres. Talk about blissful. As much as I love my dad, I don't think that he's very patient with my kids. He tends to be a little "pissy" with them. Never says anything mean, but I can tell, probably because I pushed all those buttons myself as a child. My dad is always up before the sun rises, and is usually gone before the rooster begins to crow. Ally-tude and I helped them pack up the back of the pickup, and helped to water all the critters. For living on such a big place, my dad doesn't have any livestock. No chickens, no cows or horses, but he does love wild birds. He has hummingbird feeds, and finch feeders, squirrel feeders and every kind of bird house you can name he has put up somewhere. While sitting on the front porch watching the wildlife, Ally-tude and I fell asleep, again, to the sound of the rooster crowing.
Saturday and Sunday we pretty much stayed around my dad's place. As much as I love R-town, I prefer to be at the "farm" where my dad lives. Sometimes, I wish I still lived in town. Then other times, I remember why I left in the first place. No one here in the city ever says, "Hey Sorta, how's your old man doin." or "Hey Sorta, ran into your mom at the store today!". The anonomy of being in the city is blessed, even though it is a hinderence in the same breath. I don't let my children play outside without me, even though they are nine, six and four. I'm constantly scared of them being kidnapped or hurt in one way or another. When I was growing up, I played outside from sun up till sun down. I climbed trees, and caught frogs in the creek. I even had a tree house that I had made with some friends, that only we knew about. It's where I seen my first nudie-mag. Even though it was of naked girls, it didn't matter. As long as it was in our club house? It was considered ours. I would walk a mile to the pool and a mile home during the summer, where here, I don't even let Toadman walk any further than the mail box which is prolly five hundred feet away, even then I'm looking out the window, poised to run and kick some ass if anyone messes with him.
I actually did manual labor this weekend too. My dad had dug a ditch for a pipe to run drain water from the front of the garage to the backyard behind the house. Unfortunatly, he just hadn't had time to fill it back in with dirt. Leaving a long strech of pipe exposed to whatever may come. The kids and I grabbed shovels and rakes and began the process of filling it back in. There was prolly two hundred feet of pipe to cover and it took us about four and half hours to complete our task. The sun was hot, and the boys were shirtless, me in shorts and a sports bra, and out comes Ally-tude in one of my step-sister's bras and a pair of her own panties. Keep in mind my step sister is 15 and Ally-tude is four. It was too funny.
All in all I have to say it was a great weekend. I seen people I havn't seen in years. I slept in a nice soft bed, with blankets that I grew up sleeping under, and I woke up to the silence and solitude that I really needed. My soul feels replenished, and my heart is lightened, and now I'm ready to take on the rest of the world. Look out KC, Sorta is back in business. August 10 DescionsI've decided to make a new blog. I'll still use the same names for my friends and family, just changing my name and things of this nature. The new name from my family is "Sorta's Busy Bunch". I think it's pretty groovy. While talking to my friend Brat, I decided that it's time that SmilinGal began to fade into the woodwork. No need for her to be hanging out, bringing up old pain and hurt. Sorta is the me of today. The person who I've always wanted to be, just never had the balls to be. Here are some things that I demand of Sorta
These are the things that Sorta will be. So long SmilinGal..... hello Sorta August 09 Blogging AgainOn my little break from my blog I have been doin alot of thinking, and alot of dreaming. My birthday has come and gone. I'm now offically a grown-up, I'm 30. I was blessed to have tons of family and friends come to see me, so many that I was getting irritated that there were so many people in my little three bedroom ghetto apartment. I have been looking back over the past two years of my life, and realizing how much of it I have taken for granted or just totally blew off.
There is a message on my ex-boyfriend's blog from a girl named "Lucy". She posted a comment asking what happened to my blog and that she really enjoyed reading it. It really touched me. To know that someone else really was listening. She made will wishes to Toad, Doodle, Ally-tude, and myself. Somtimes, I miss my blog. All the hard work I put into it. I still think it was the right choice to delete it. Even if I do find myself missing it from time to time. I want to start blogging again, yet I just don't have the heart to really create it like I used to. July 31 Warning: Pycho-Ramble Enclosed: Read at Your Own RiskThis week I turn 30. On Thursday actually. I remember when 30 was old. I look in the mirror, and I see some one staring back at me, that I don't know anymore. I have a wrinkle now, I can see it when I smile. I'm very fair skinned, so of course, I try desparately to stay out of the sun, I never tan. I go from lobster-red to white. My oldest and youngest are the exact same way. My middle child is a bronze god. Deep dark tan, and white his little glasses he's cuter than a bugs ear. Yet, I digress.
I have been looking back at my life, and I've been wondering what exactly have I done with my life. I'm supposed to be 30 now. A "grown-up" so to speak. I have three children and I feel like I've failed them. I have not provided them with everything I had been provided with. Yes, I try to make up for it in love and bonding, but I do wish I could do so much more with them. Take them to the ocean, or maybe even put them into a sport. The boys would love to do soccer, my little girl dreams of becoming a ballerina. I'll be able to go to work in the fall. Daycare will be manageable, even wihtout any type of child support. I won't be dependant on the kids' dad for help at all. That is such a good feeling.
I had some friends come down for my birthday, and we went shopping, to dinner, and then dancing. We drank an entire bottle of champange between the three of us. I had never been much of a drinker to begin with, I drink mainly whiskey. 7&7 with lime actually. I have to admit though, that champange rocked!! We went to Cascone's for dinner. It's my favorite little Italian place. They had a harpist, a guitar, and a singer. I was so swept away by the spell. It was an awesome dinner, and excellent desert. I don't drink alot. So 3 glasses of champange and a margarita, down, and then off to the club.
We went to Funky Town, a bar in South Kansas City. Talk about a great time! I admit, I got so wasted. I so deserved it, I really needed to get out. I was safe in a group of friends, and I let myself get lost in the scene. For awhile I was on the dance floor, I swear I could feel the crowd pulsating with the music. The whole place was a giant vaccuum, it sucked out all of the bad day, broken hearted, crushed pride, and the rest of the roller-coaster-I wanna-get-off-ride feelings. In a little black dress, and red lip-stick, I was armed. I was determined to have a great birthday party. I danced with more people than I probably remember. Men talked to me!! I was so shocked, no one every looks at me. Yet 2 men bought me a drink (from the bartender of course) and then everytime I turned around a friend of mine was shoving a shot glass in my hand. I was standing in line at the bar (to get water, it was last call of course) and the guy in front of me, stops and then looks at me, walks up to me, wraps his arm around my waist, wraps his hands in my hair, and leans in toward me. I'm really drunk, and I realize he's talking, to the point where his lips meet mine he's still whispering. He barely kissed me, his lips barely grazed mine. Then he pulled back looked down at me, then kissed me. This time, demanding and hot. I was too speechless to say anything. I'm standing there in shock. He turns around grabs his drink, then walks away. I'm standing there with my mouth on the floor. I endedup getting another shot after that. I was a little shaken. I havn't been kissed in a very long time. Especially the later of the two. A demanding and hungry kiss, it literally took my breath away. I immeadiatly felt guilty, to which I know feel ashamed. That will pass in time though. After being with him for over a year, I'm sure it will take time to heal. I miss him alot still.
He's coming down on thrusday to take him to dinner. The kids are going too. They wanted to say goodbye. They know that my Zero won't be coming back. I had to end up telling them, they were figuring it out. For the age of my children, they are so smart. Figuring out things for themselves, that I didn't learn till much later in life. Sometimes it worries me that I have put too much pressure on them to grow up so fast. My oldest protecting his brother from neighborhood thugs on the bus. We all work as a team, we all get more accomplished! Thats the motto.
I find myself, wondering what it would be like again. To have freedom, to walk with my head held high, not that I couldn't do it before, but I can flirt a little now and then. I can flash a little more of a smile when I meet someone. Maybe wear a litlte perfume, things I havn't done in a long time it seems. I really needed the night out. I needed to get and feel like I was a girl. That I was pretty, and that I was the center of the world, even if it's only in my own eyes. Cause obviously, I was drinking. I was so wrapped up in having my own little party, all by myself. I so did too. I had an awesome time. Maybe I'll start going out again. Why not, I'm single again right? July 28 Full Scale RemodelNext week I'll be 30. To be honest, it's something that has really bothered me, but I've tried to make huge efforts not to let it show. This weekend some friends are coming into town, and we are going to meet more friends here, then go out for a night on the town. Having 3 small kids (9, 6, 4) its really hard to keep things clean and orderly. So I decided Friday (they will be here tomarrow mid-afternoon) will be the day we throw down and do it. All of this gets my creative juices going. I've been redecorating, and changing things around. As I rearrange and modify things here and there, I seem to be feeling better about the whole thing. Feeling a little more impowered, maybe sometimes change is good. July 27 The First Blog EntryThis is the first entry of my blog. I'm not sure exactly the "theme" of this blog yet. I had another blog, it was mainly about the kids, and just day to day happenings. I have deleted it now, that blog no long exists. This is a fresh start, somthing new. I'm sorta busy, all the time. Things at my house are very faced paced. I will also be using catagories this time which I didn't do before.
Some I'm thinking about using are:
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