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June 26 I aked for itand it was received...
Sence court I've really been doing some soul searching. Smacktard twisted my thoughts on religion. In my mind me made god perverse and something totally different in my soul. In fact God and I have been at odds now for almost a decade. Its really been that long. Ever sence basically the smacktard and i got married. At one point lately I started to pray. It was a prayer that was pretty continuous. Asking questions of why, and never getting a responce. I felt more like I was talking to myself. Monday night when I got off work, I had pretty much decided that I was talking to myself and that there was no God that could hear me. Keep in mind, I'm not walking around mumbling, this is all in my head. Oh yeah, voices in the head, now thats a good sign of a sound stable mind. LOL. I was driving through the city to get home. There is a highway, or actually several, but the Bronco isn't getting around very well. She's basically won't go over 45 mph. Im babying her so that she will keep running. I've been taking the bus 2 times a week and then driving the other 3 so that I can work the overtime. My normal street that I drive down was closed off, so I jumped over two blocks to Holmes. At 10th street I turned and thought, I'm going to quit thinking about this. This is useless. I started driving up the slight hill on the green light. As I drove up the hill, I thought "maybe a sign". I'll look for a sign or if there is a god, maybe he'll give me a sign of his prescence. Right then out of the corner of my eye came my sign. A 2005 acura had run a red light and barrlled down on me. She hit the front of the bronco and tore off the bumper, from there she spum me down the dstreet where I hit a pole and came to rest. The ambulance picked me up and put me on a board and took me to a hospital. I was in the ER for 7 hours while they e-rayed every part of my body. I couldn't move my legs for a bit. Finally after time and some effort I can more both of my legs again. My left hip is pretty messed up. No broken bones, no lacerations or stitched. I did hit my head pretty good. Still not hearing really well out of my left ear. However, at the hosptial, my nurse told me that I was very lucky it could have been so much worse. She said that someone up there was watching over me. She was really shocked I didn't have one cut anywhere on my body. Bruises yes, but no cuts. The nurse dropped a wink at me and smiled down at me strapped to a board with tears rolling down my face. She told me that no one understands why these things happen, but God does things in his own time. Her silver cross was shiney and seemed to glow. I didn't mention anything about god, she just started spouting it off.
Strange how things all tie into gether. I'm at home now. My back is still messed up and I'm off work till Monday. I have a rental car and it's ok i guess. Its not my beloved rusted out bronco that i named Vera. It's a little red car with no character or personality. but it's a nice car and it's better than walking :) Becareful what you ask for, because my friends, a car will come barrelling through an interection and change your life . June 17 Reaons... this time, it workedTonight, I have other news to share. Same old story diferent ending. Smacktard has been locked up in Western Missouri Phyciatric Facility. Yesterday apparenlty while in custody he threw an ungodly fit. After I lef tthe building, they arreigned the Smacktard for failur to pay child support. Whille being arreigned, smacktard screamed at the judge and thew some papers at the judge from what I hear. I would love to find out exactly what happened with that. I would have lvoed to be a fly on the wall. He is curently in the facility for 96 hours. The facility is expected to retain him for 21 days. People believe me now. Better him locked up than waalking around. They actually escoted him out in handcuffs and anklecuffs with a chain through the middle. I would like to say I feel sorry for him. I don't. He deserves it, every last little bit of humliation and torment that he is undergoing now. For the next 21 days, I can sleep all night. That does my heart good. June 16 Chapter XIII The Smacktard Sagaas promised.... the possible end of Smacktard
Today was teh day in court over the custody of the kids, the day of the Smacktard. Finally, a trial on the matter. In brief legal terms. Smacktard has no visiation rights to the minor children. He is not to be within 500 feet of them at any time. Child support is stayed at this time. None shall acrue until said date that Smacktard hears from teh judge at the disability hearing. Smacktard is in contempt of court on multiple accounts, and was arrested after court on an outstanding child support warrent totalliong over 25 thousand dollars. Smacktard was relased at 3:00pm. Smacktard acted pro-se in teh trial.
In leagal stance that is exactly what happened. Front my stand poit here is what happened. I threw up twice. I was cross examined by Satan himself, and could do nothing to rid the world of him. He was out of jail only three hours after accusing me of sleeping with the judge. The entire thing was a 3 ringed circus. Start to finish.
From the point on I have full leagal, sole, and physical custody of all three of my wonderfull should who drive me crazy, but whom I coudln't life without. I do not have to notify him if I move or change information. I do have to keep the c ourt informed, but I'm ok with that I guess. I also have the satisfaction of knowing that bastard is going to rot in hell for the things that he has done. The only right he has to my kids now, is the right to pay child support.
Now that court is over, I want to get rid of everything that reminds me of Smacktard. Part of the grid of everything is moving on in life. Not letter the memories or the fear haunt me for the rest of my life. Today i saw how pathetic he really is, I will not be scared of him anymore. Today was my day in court, and I let him have it. i did it the right way. Evern thought I'm not happy about Smacktard being out of jail, I could have come away with this alot worse than I did. I came aay with my kids, and that was the entire reason for this whole fight.
End chaper Smacktard A little about me, Final breakdown with Smacktard... completedI had court today withe the smacktard. I don't really want to talk about it yet. I will start writing about it soon. I have alot that I have to process, and to be honest, it was a really hard ordeal for me being in the same room with him again. You would think I wouldn't be scared anymore.... go figure. Anyways, Lil Bit and I were talking about our chineese zodiacs the other day. I'm a Leo. I'm also a dragon. My birthday is Aug 3, 1976. That makes me born in the year of the fire dragon. To say I'm a firey person is a compliment to me! Anyways, below are what it says about me from what I've compiled. It's interesting how much of this is like me when I'm not a basketcase of nerves. I see this person coming out more and more! Viva la Sorta!!!
The Dragon personality The Dragon is a creature of myth and legend. A symbol of good fortune and sign of intense power, the Oriental Dragon is regarded as a divine beast - the reverse of the malicious monster that Westerners felt necessary to find and slay. In Eastern philosophy, the Dragon is said to be a deliverer of good fortune and a master of authority. Therefore, those people born in Dragon years are to be honored and respected. FIRE DRAGON Horoscope Dragon people are the most eccentric in the Chinese Zodiac. Soaring high into the serene heavens, they can be stubborn, passionate, excitable, honest, and brave, wear purple and walk barefoot in public fountains. They listen to their own drummer, thank you very much, while the rest of the world stands in amazement. People always admire their individuality and feisty personality. Dragons are capable of doing great work for mankind and they inspire trust in almost everyone. The Dragon symbolizes life and growth and is said to bring the five blessings: harmony, virtue, riches, fulfillment and longevity.Downright electrifying, Fire Dragons breathe vigor and power. These natural leaders smile at adversity, turn complainers into optimists, and lead lives as inspired as a Beethoven Sonata. They are square shooters in dealing with individuals and are often called upon to mediate disputes. Because they care so much about people, Fire Dragons like to support charitable causes and bring friends together for elegant evening soirees. These Dragons are fired with ambition, unflagging enthusiasm, and intelligence and enjoy most impressive careers as a result. Despite all the money they make, Finance is a big question mark. Money is easy come easy go. Until they control their spending habits, money will just go flying in the wind. Romantics at heart, Fire Dragons can't help playing Matchmaker. They're pretty lucky, too! As for themselves, they ooze charisma and never need anyone to fix them up. Successful in love, often placed on pedestals, Fire Dragons are attractive and have fire in the belly. The opposite sex feels very secure. LEONINE DRAGON Dragon*Snake Clever, crafty and quick-witted-you fit together like pieces of a puzzle.
THE DRAGON IN LOVE
IRRESISTIBLE ATTRACTION LOVERS AND SPOUSES
Negatively, Dragons are egotistical and love to be the center of attention. Modesty is not one of his assets. Add to that the Dragon temper and you have a bossy, dominating and authoritative being. They hate solicited advice and can be hopelessly tactless and insensitive to their lovers.
The key to the Dragon personality is that Dragons are the free spirits of the Zodiac. Conformation is a Dragon's curse. Rules and regulations are made for other people. Restrictions blow out the creative spark that is ready to flame into life. Dragons must be free and uninhibited. The Dragon is a beautiful creature, colorful and flamboyant. An extroverted bundle of energy, gifted and utterly irrepressible, everything Dragons do is on a grand scale - big ideas, ornate gestures, extreme ambitions. However, this behavior is natural and isn't meant for show. Because they are confident, fearless in the face of challenge, they are almost inevitably successful. Dragons usually make it to the top. However, Dragon people be aware of their natures. Too much enthusiasm can leave them tired and unfulfilled. Even though they are willing to aid when necessary, their pride can often impede them from accepting the same kind of help from others. Dragons' generous personalities give them the ability to attract friends, but they can be rather solitary people at heart. A Dragon's self-sufficiency can mean that he or she has no need for close bonds with other people.
CHARACTERISTICS
HEALTH
Dragons take thrilling risks and burn the candle at both ends so they are fortunate to be blessed with good health. Among the most hearty of the Animal signs, they can suffer bad health as a result of stress. Symptoms of their personalities often stem from emotional outbursts and can range from tension headaches to depression to hypertension. Dragons can remedy these problems by maintaining their cool, implementing a routine in their daily lives, and utilizing exercises such as yoga or tai kwon do that soothe the mind and spirit as well as tone the body.
Not the most domesticated of the Animal signs, Dragons and may be more content out and about rather than at home. Nevertheless, with their imagination and artistic sense, they can enjoy decorating their home or anywhere else where their extravagance can be expressed.. A Dragon's home should be as large and majestic as his personality, providing space for the fiery temperament or emotional eruptions that accompany their character.
DRAGONS MAKE EXCELLENT:
LIKES AND DISLIKES
Since Dragons are born under the same Animal sign, they often share likes and dislikes. Following are similar likes and dislikes of the Dragon personality:
Color Preference: Greenish-Blue
Gems and Stones: Opal, Sapphire, Amber
Suitable Gifts: Tarot cards, camera, a copy of the I Ching, mirror, a family crest, mobile phone
Hobbies and Pastimes: Computer programming, public speaking, fossil hunting, astrology
Dragons Dislike: Taking orders, unnecessary bureaucracy, discounted ideas, people who don't give 100%
THE DRAGON ON VACATION
Dragons are attracted by the bizarre. No self-respecting Dragon desires to walk in a tourist's footsteps. Instead, they take a lot of gratification in finding hidden destinations, or, closer to home, locations off the beaten track. But Dragons also need thrills, which they might find by taking an unplanned winter break to go skiing or a spontaneous rock climbing trip in the spring. They may even test their bravery by daring to ride the highest roller coaster in the world. Dragons are also sentimental at heart, so conquering their childhood haunts, or taking a second honeymoon would bring immense pleasure too.
FRIENDS AND ENEMIES
Dragons are usually popular people, but because of their personalities, they seem to gather as much criticism as they do esteem. Due to their tumultuous temperaments, Dragons are not the most sensitive friends to those in need of a shoulder to cry on. Those who truly know the Dragon know he is a loving soul who will become your best ally in times of need. Once the dynamic Dragon has given his friendship, he will not let his friends down and will never falter in his allegiance to his companions. To a Dragon, a friend is a friend for a lifetime. Incredibly honest, Dragons are known for sincerity and are trusting souls. Because of this honesty, Dragons don't realize others may not demonstrate or uphold the same codes of ethics. Making the discovery that they placed their trust in someone who is dishonest makes the Dragon person quite sad, yet much more perceptive for future encounters.
Compatible Friends
Best Friends: Rats and Monkeys
Mortal Enemy: Dogs
DRAGON PARENTS AND BABIES
Because people born in the year of the Dragon are so working on furthering their careers, they usually Put off having and raising children until later than many of the other Chinese horoscope signs. Parenting doesn't come very naturally easily to the Dragon. However, when Dragons do become parents, they approach it with the same enthusiasm as other endeavors. They are proud parents and tend to boast about the accomplishments and good looks of their children.
DRAGON INFANT AND CHILD
Dog children are creative, able to entertain themselves for hours on end. They don’t mind playing by themselves, often inventing games and puzzles while doing so. They are responsible children who love to take on and complete as many tasks as possible for it gives them a sense of accomplishment. DRAGON PARENT/CHILD KINSHIPS
Like their adult counterparts, children born in the Year of the Dragon have vivid personalities and are independent from birth. Noisy and active, parents should stimulate their imaginations as soon as possible. Their imagination and inquisitive natures can be troublesome for the Dragon child and can often land them in a heap of trouble at school which can cause teachers and other parents to deem them troublemakers or naughty. Sometimes Dragon children are loners who daydream and drift to into their own world of make-believe. Either way, Dragon children demand careful attention and special handling in order to bring out the best in them. Their creativity and talents must be encouraged, even if it means spending extra time in certain school subjects in order to help them master the subject. .
DRAGON PARENT/CHILD RELATIONSHIPS
June 13 Hey, the crazy curly haired girl returnsNote to constant reader. I havn't been blogging. I know I havn't. Sometimes life is too busy to sit down. Finally, I have a moment to have a seat and relax before I begin a task.
I am going to have to do something tonight. I have to sit down and answer some very personal questions about a lot of things that I put being me with Satan. The years of abuse and the years and on going torment that goes along with it. I know that alot of things in the blog have to do about my fights against him. I have to reread all of that tonight and have the information to him by tomarrow morning. Him meaning my atty. I wonder if to my readers that I appear to be whiney and attention demanding. I also wonder if you think I'm phycotic and deranged at times. Maybe that I am a totally obsessive compulsive freak. I'm getting ready to find out if I think that those things are true. Alot of what i write may seem garbled and nonscence, but it makes perfect sence to me. I will be able to read into my own words. I'm a little scared of how it's going to turn out. I'm not the sad scared mess of a dreamer that I used to be. I still dream. I dream big. I set goals for myself. I live by goals really. Anymore its a compeition with myself. I find that I have really become a very stable well rounded invividual. I have walked a lone and I have paid some very hard dues to Karma for anything I have done or will do. I look at life differently than others see it I think. I really do try to look for the good of life. There is good dout there in life. It's finding it that the whole living experience worthwhile.
Wish e luck as I delve into the realm of my writing side. The side that I use to get out all of the frustration and bitterness of life that i cannot let go of anywhere else. What I affectatly call my "deranged" side. I really have not been looking foward to this. |
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