Yesterday was Friday, payday and the last day of the week.  I finally have daycare all worked out, Ally-tude starts on Tuesday.  So she'll be riding the bus with me in the mornings.  Just like it used to be.  When I told her that she'd be riding with me in the mornings, she got really excited, and started getting her bus gear together.  Her little umbrella and her little walking shoes.  She's such a baby angel.  Speaking of buses........

 

Yesterday, I missed my bus comin home.  So I had to wait for the next one, then that one was 15 minutes late. As luck would have it, I seriously need to come up with another back up plan for picking up Ally-tude at daycare.  After walking home (again) I didn't get home till almost 6:30.  This is suppsed to be Smacktards weekend AND holiday.  I called him from a pay phone (I really need to get some minutes on my cell) and I told him I was running late, if it was ok to just pick them up tomarrow.  His answer?  Suck my dick and I'll pick ya up where ya are now.  (Sometimes, I seriously wonder if he has holes in his brain, or if he needs a new one).  So when I got home, the girl upstairs had made dinner for all of us, and they were watching a movie quiestly.  I really like the new sitter.  TOad loves her too.  He helps her out alot and his attitude has very much changed sence I quit sending them to the old sitters house.  It was a blessing in disguise.

 

Needless to say, I have the kids again this weekend.  Which is fine with me, I was just going to go to R-town and tear up some kareokee.  Now I can do it from the comfort of my living room.  With my little family right along beside me.  Lately, with everything going on, I have come to realize how blessed I really am.  Having public transportation to get back and forth to work when my car is down and not feeling well.  I have good friends that will give me a ride to the store if I really need it.  I have parents that love me alot (even though they hate each other), I have an apartment to call home that keeps us warm and dry.  I really think that everything works out the way it does for a reason. 

 

With everything that I have been blessed with, I really need to give somthing back, to set right the balence of life.  I havn't decided what to do yest, but I hope that one of my little things, will help someone else in a very big way.

(Ok, so I wrote this last night about 3am.  This is the first time I've been able to sit down sence I got up for work this morning.  So it seems a little broken and disheveled, but it's part of the blog.  So bear with me)

 

I woke up in Zero's bed.  I shot straight up in bed, and felt for Zero.  He wasn't there.  I got out of the bed, and realized we were in my apartment, just in Zero's bed.  Weird.  I had my socks on, my new toe socks I just got for Christmas, and swung my legs over the bed, calling for Zero and Toadman.  The house was so quiet!  I couldn't see my hand in front of my face, it was so dark.  I could hear music playing, but it seems to move around the house as I tried to find my way to the hallway from Zero's bed in my room.  There seemed to be things everywhere.  I kept walking and kicking somthing, then cursing, getting scared.  It's steaming hot, the armits of my nightshirt are soaked.  I looked down and realized, I had on Zero's shirt.  The one that I always slept in, the one I put up months ago.  Not only did I notice that I was wearing that shirt, but that my belly was swollen and huge!  I could feel somthing moving inside me.  In my dream it made perfect sence, I was pregnant.  All of this seemed perfectly natural.  I finally kicked my way through the hallway, and got to the dining room.  I turned around and seen Lil Bit standing in the doorway to the outside of my apartment.  Again, all perfectly natural.  Lil Bit wasn't happy, he was actually pretty damn mad.  His 17 year old face was purple, vein almost bursting out of his temple.  He held open his hand, and in it was the ring that matched mine that Zero had bought almost two years ago.  Instantly, I panicced.  I turned and ran from him, screaming for Zero, crying for the kids.  Somehow my belly was seeming to grow bigger and bigger.  I thought it would explode, I could feel white hot pain splitting open the bottom area of my tummy, my belly churning and fighting me the entire way.  I fell over, I don't know what was on the floor.  When I fell down, the first thing I thought of was the baby, "OMG no not the baby".  Lil Bit was standing over the top of me, stone faced and sober.  He spoke to me then.  "I told you there was a bad, J______".  Then he smiled.  He had no teeth.  His eyes were so dark they looked black, and I opened my mouth to scream........

 

I woke up then.  Literally, in a cold sweat.  My feet still wearing socks (which I detest) and still dressed in my jeans and tshirt that I had been wearing when I fell asleep on the couch waiting for a phone call back from SBG.  My heart was hammering and I realized, I wasn't pregnant after all.  I felt a sudden stab of longing for a second which really surprized me.  Last thing I need is more kids, LOL.  Then I realized somthing.  In all the years that I would have a dream about Lil Bit, he was usually a safe and "belonging" type of feeling associated.  This time was different.  I knew in my heart he had done somthing to Zero.  The thought terrified me.  Lil Bit having that ring sent me into a tizzy of unbelieveable proportions.  I wonder sence Ive talked to Lil Bit again, and realized what a complete jerk he turned out to be as a grown up, maybe I let go of that part of my childhood.  Maybe it's me growing up a little more, and letting go of false pretenses that I had.  Zero also had a bad dream.  Read about it at Zero's blog.

Now that I've got a new plan of attack planned out, I've been working on the details.  The neighbor upstairs can watch the two boys and get them off on the bus.  Her daughter is up at those times, and for 25.00 a week (and dinner fed to her kids on the late nights that she works) they will make sure the boys are taken care of and safe.  I also trust them with a house key that Toadman wears around his neck.  Here is my schedule so far. 

 

6:15 Catch bus to QT

6:20  Arrive at QT

6:45  Catch bus to downtown

7:15  Arrive at Crown Center to change to another bus

7:20  Arrive in front of work and walk in the building

 

3:58  Bus leaves from work

4:10  Bus drops off at Bus Terminal

Race 2 blocks to catch next bus

4:13  Bus picks up at next station to head north of the river

4:25  Bus drops at intersection

walk 4 blocks

4:40 bus picks up to take me home

4:46 I walk in the door

 

 

If  you check out that timeline carefully, I have time to take Ally-tude to a daycare that sits right beside QT.  So this morning I called the number that was on the outside of the building.  I had to wait till second break, but I didn't mind, although I was formulating plots in my head already (bad habit yes I know).  When I called them, I was thinking 100.00 a week.  Yes it's steep but I can manage it.  For Toadman at a year old, I was paying 85.00 to a daycare out of the basement of a church.  When the lady was telling me all about the daycare center, I noticed that she wasn't saying the price.  She told me that it was 140.00 a week for full time, and 100.00 a week for 5 hours a day.  I about fell over.

 

Daycare worker:  "Our prices are non-negotiable

Me:  Seriously, how can anyone afford to pay that much in daycare?

Daycare worker:  Our prices are good compaired to some of the others.

Me:  Does this included breakfast, lunch and two snacks?

Daycare worker:  The parents provide the snacks, and breakfast is extra we provide lunch as a convince to you

Me:  Does this include feild trips or outings?

Daycare Worker:  We don't go on field trips, but we do have ballet instructors and karate instructors come and teach the kids basic moves!

Me:  I think I need to think about this and hang up

Daycare worker:  Feel free to call around, there are no openings available in our area.

 

So I got off the phone and started calling numbers in my phone book at work.  Would you believe she's right?  She does have the lowest prices around AND she is the only one with openings.  I wanted to cry.  I was paying the Old BattleAx 100.00 a week for all three kids, Ally-tude from noon to five, and all day on Fridays.  So I would be having to pay for full days of daycare for Ally-tude.  I seriously don't know how to pay that amount.  So that part of the plan has some working out to do still.  Seems like sometimes, if it's not one things it's another.

 

My biggest bitch of all?  How the hell can ANYONE afford that amount for daycare!  I only have one child in it, and I'm wondering what exactly are we going to eat?  Roman noodles and turkey burgers?  We have become accustomed to the little things in life, like.... you know.... toilet paper, toothpaste, electricity!  There is a government capping on medical expences, and a bar association to help keep crooked attys in line, but what is there to regulate daycare!! 

All Christmas I have been somewhat stressed out.  With not having a sitter anymore for the kids, and the kids' dad totally blowing me off (he was supposed to keep the kids for a week after christmas to cut down on daycare costs), I havn't been sleeping well.  Worried about bills and cars and kids.  Normal things to worry about.  Hauntings of a single parent.

 

Last night about 2am I woke up in a cold sweat, looked at the alarm, and then an idea hit me like a mac truck.  There is a daycare by one of the bus stops and it happens to be the stop with the 20 minute layover!  Thats more than enough time to run the Ally-tude inside!  Maybe her school bus can pick her up there, instead of at my house!!!  I was so pleased!  I woke up at ten till five with a renewed vigor on life.  I have figured out another complicated piece of my life.  Look at me go! 

 

Now I have daycare for all three kids.  I won't have to quit my job, I won't have to deal with a sitter than I'm unsure of (as bad as that makes me feel).  If need by the boys can let themselves in from school.  Maybe I can talk to my boss and work it around so that I can come in a half an hour early.  If not.... then I can make it through this, no one is gonna hold me down to a "ghetto" stature!  Time to get ready for work!!

 

PS.  Now maybe I can work on that "People on the Bus" blog!

PSS>  Merry late chrimstas to:  Bratty, Don't, Lucy, SuperChick!, Zero, Sherry, and RiRi!!  Love ya'll.

 

Today, I got so involved in my accounts, that I totally lost track of time.  I got caught up in my music and I kept my nose to the grind stone, working well plast 4:45 before someone told me that it was past time to go home.  As I'm walking out the door, J______, tells me that she wants to talk to me.  She's my boss, and she's a nice gal.  I've blogged about her before.  She pulls me by my elbow covered coat, into her office.  First thing I see when I sit down is a bowl of jolly ranchers.  I reach up my hand to take a piece of candy and she snatches the bowl out of my hand.  She told me "We would like for you to interview tomarrow at 3:00pm for the AR position"  Luckily she took the candy away, hell, I'm sure that she didn't want me to choke to death (again) in her office on a piece of hard candy. 

 

So I leave work thrilled that I may have a job.  After all they have been pretty forthright about everything.  So I pick up the kids and Doodle reminds me that he has to have graham crackers and frosting (still) for his his gingerbread house tomarrow.  So I pack up the kids and go to HyVee and pick up frosting and graham crackers, which takes almost an hour.  Twice I had to take Toadman to the bathroom, so he could get himself under control.  Him and Doodle kept fighting I wanted to ring both their necks.  I threatened to beat the hell out of both of them if they didn't stop fighting.  I wasn't very happy.  My two boys are nine and seven, they know better than to act like that in public.  I got to the car and they both had finally stopped fighting, only to get into the car and start fighting again.  I was seriously contemplating dropping them off at someone elses house, when I remembered, I didn't take anything out for dinner.  So I quit put a mental meal together, totally blocking out the war going on in the back seat. 

 

I get home and Doodle and Toad are carrying in groceries, while Ally-tude and I are taking up cereal and milk for the sitter's house, so that the kids have food to eat over there this week.  I have noticed that we are going through a box of ceral every 2 days.  I asked her to please not feed her children the cereal that I buy for my children, the sitter got a little indignant but I stood my ground.  She eventually realized that she wasn't going to intimidate me, and calmed down.  As we were leaving Doodle came running to tell me....

 

Doodle:  Mom, Mom  The car is broken the window won't go down

Me: What? (as I race to the car)

Doodle:  It's broken it won't shut

Me: (notices the hinge is bent) How'd you do that?  Were you hanging on it?

Doodle I was swinging a bag of potatos around  and it might have hit the window.

Me:  A bag of potatos? (Doodle weighs about as much as a bag of taters)

Doodle: Yeah I was just being crazy

Me:  Enough all ready with being so crazy.

(nieighbor comes walks up)

Neighbor:  Did you know we have a 48 hour noticefor inspetions and then a 72 hour notice that they will be fumagating the apartments.

Me:  Well of course they are... making perfect fucking sence!

Neighbor: Whoa, you ok?

Doodle:  Toad is calling me (quietly back away)

 

Lord get me through this week

Last night my sister and I took the kids out to eat at Home Town Buffett.  Toadman had done a picture in school, and it was displayed at the restaurant.  He was so excited to see his creations on display.  When the manager realized that Toad's picture was displayed, he gave us 3 complimentary dinners for kids!!  Score!!!  I love freebies!!

 

As we were sitting there last night, Ally-tude seemed to be very upset that she had to wear overhauls.  For some reason she wanted to wear her christmas dress, and tights and the whole nine yards, to be honest, I just didn't have time to dress her all up.  Although, I do enjoy playing dress up with her.  So Ally-tude sat there with her head on the table eating as much as little as she could.  She was grouchy because she didn't get her way. 

 

Toadman was very sullen all evening, he didn't seem to be very happy.  I tried heaping on tons of support and praise, but he didn't really seem to hear me.  He seems so sad lately.  He told me a couple days ago, that he wanted to go see his real dad for christmas.  I knew this day would come, but it still hurt like hell.  I think he seen it in my face, because he immeadietly changed his tune.  I still couldn't get it out of my head, I knew this was going to happen.  Just didn't expect it so soon.

 

Doodle has been charming as ever.  He has a small attitude problem, but thats ok.  I think he's feelign a little left out with me trying so hard to compensate for Toad.  Sometimes it's hard to keep up.  Doodlebug has been really really good lately.  No big issues.  He did fall off the monkey bars falling to the ground on his head.  His cute little face is all scratched up, and his elbows are really scraped, and so is his chest.  He really took a nose dive.  He did go to the ER but he's fine.  No concussion, nothing really wrong.  Just a hard headed boy.  LOL, wonder where he gets it from.

 

So here is the small update about the kids, seems like I don't have much time for blogging with everything else going on.  Christmas is right around the corner.  Tis the season

Last Friday at work, there was a team lead meeting, this is where all of the team leads go to a meeting with the boss.  Then they take all that information and they pass it on down to us lowly data entry workers.  Seriously, temps are at the bottom of the pile.  I have never been to a place where the regular workers don't eat with the temps.  It's almost like highschool.  I fully always expect someone to put their purse in their chair so I can't sit down to eat at the "employee table".  LOL.  It doesn't really bother me though, after all, I've gotten used to PNR work now, and nothing really shocks me.  So all of us temp girls that run charges (work lingo, hard to explain) total 25.  Our bosses name is J_____, she's a pretty good gal.  Very professional, yet at the same time, a really sweet gal.  Work is pretty laid back.  No real problems as long as everyone gets the work done, and no one is jerking off somewhere. 

 

As we all know, it only takes one bad apple to ruin it for everyone.  Apparently, now we must clock in and out for break and we are allowed 15 minutes per break, as long as work flow allows.  Apparently, some of the "employees" have seen too many temps walkin around.  So now we go to break in "groups" separated out during the day.  Eh, thats not really a big deal to me.  I don't take hour lunches or thirty minute breaks, it just not my work ethic.  I go to work to work.  So I sign up for all of my choices that I want, and I immeadiatly get up and take it to the boss myself.  I handed it to her and she smiled.  I told her that I had signed up for the breaks I wanted.  She got up and closed her door and asked me to have a seat.  At this point, I felt the sudden urge to throw up.  My head went light and I started counting up the hours in my head, to see if I had enough yet to draw unemployment.  Sitting there, steal for the worst, she opened her mouth to say somthing and her phone rang.  I listen to her yeah yeah uh huh, I'll be there shortly, she hangs up as someone knocks on her door.  So smiled tightly and the girl came in and handed her a huge stack of papers, and then J_____ signed somthing and the girl walked back out.

 

In the meantime, my knees are knocking.  I have waited in front of this woman for five minutes now, and I'm starting to panic.  I'm thinking about how to beg for this job.  I can't afford to get fired, especially with Christmas just RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER!  All the spit in my mouth is dried up, and I was choking on my own tongue.  I seen a bowl of hard candy on her desk and she must have caught me looking at it.  She nodded toward it, closed the program that she was working on, and I reached up and grabbed some candy.  Shoving it in my mouth quickly before I opened my mouth and inserted it clean to my hip.  I have a terrible habit of getting nervous and talking too much.

 

Finally, she was ready to talk to me.  She told me that the team lead had talked to her about me.  They recent just switched what I was doing to something more complex.  I've been struggling with it a bit, but I've got it under control, just took a few days to figure out the new state laws (I went from VA accounts to FL accounts, each state has it's own different billing laws).  She smiled for the first time and told me that they moved me to the new state because it's so much more detailed, and that she impressed with my attention to detail.  She said that she liked the fact that I was fast as well as accurate and that she was going to recommend me to another department that was looking for a full time employee.  She said no promises, but she could put in a good word for me. She also told me to apply for it...lol... she said it may help the to get the job, and then she laughed at her own joke.  I really was in numb disbelief.  She also told me that the rules wouldn't be in affect forever about breaks, that I shouldn't worry about it, that she knew I didn't abuse the honor system. 

 

I opened my mouth to say somthing, took a deep breath in, and sucked that jolly rancher right down my windpipe.  I started choking and gasping for air, for a breif moment, I was terrified when I need to take a breath and couldn't.  Finally, as J_____ was getting up to help me, I coughed it up, spit it out, and fell into a chair gasping for air and still coughing.  I was really really embaressed.  I was trying to think of somthign to say.... for some reason the only thing that would come out was...... does this mean you're not going to fire me?!

Kids and I been hangin out all weekend.  Put up the tree (and it's already been knocked down twice... uhg.... kids) and we are about ready to do our Christmas craft.  This year I thought about making a faux fireplace out of old macaroni and cheese boxes.  However, after talking to Zero he doesn't have a Christmas tree (nor does he plan to get one) so the kids and I are going to make him one.  Out of the kids cut our hand prints.  I think he'll really enjoy it.  Put pictures of all his animals on there, as well as me and the kids.  Not to forget him either!!  Apparently, he has gotten the kids somthing for christmas too, and stuff from Santa.  He wants to come down and see us, I don't know what to so.  I love him alot, I still do after all this time.  He obviously cares the same for me.  However with his job and family there, there really is no chance of him ever coming here.  I gave up hope for that a long time ago.  Besides, his feelings have changed.  He thinks of me as a close friend, and I guess I'd rather have that then nothing at all. 

 

I picked upt he gifts the boys christmas parties at school today.  Both of them chose books to give away, they are such good boys.  I picked up all of the gifts for the secret santa thing at work.  Each day a present must be given and then on the final day, then you reveal who you are.  The most that can be spent is 15 dolalrs.  So I went to several different places where "Everything is a Dollar" and I stocked up.  Bought 6 decorative boxes for 5 bucks.  SCORE!!  Not to mention all the little prettys that I found that were packed up in multipacks.  I'm starting to get the Christmas spirit.

When I was working at Researcher, I had a routine that I had.  Same roads every night, same people on the highway.  ACH is totally different though.  I don't have the wait in rush hour thats at least 15 mintues over a bridge.  No beautiful sunset waiting for me to view, palleted in soft colors.  Of course it's still there, but without the stop of traffic, I can't really view it, and by the time I get home it's either set, or hidden from sight by the buildings of my aparement complex.  There aren't the same people in the same cars, all doing their own separate things.  There is no time to make up stories to fill up blank highway faces. 

 

I don't really feel like getting into my music either.  I still listen to the radio, but I don't feel the need to sing.  I don't even hum along, I just listen.  I havn't really had much to say lately, not only on my blog, but just in general.  There isn't really anything spectacular going on.  Routine is starting to set in again, and I'm still trying to adjust to the new routes.  Sometimes, I wonder if maybe I just have times where I don't feel much like myself.  But the question is, if I don't feel like myself, then who am I?

 

Been working on self control.  I've had the urge to rip into a girl at work.  Just rip out her weave and smack her with it.  Just once, well maybe twice, ok.... all right.... i want to do it over and over again.  She's just really rude and bossy.  Every office has one of them.  Today, she body pushed me out of the way to get to the copier again.  Not hard to knock me over or anything, but hard enough to make me take a step back.  Instead of telling her off, or making a smart assed comment about her lack of manners, I just put both feet back exactly where they were, and stood there, making her move around me.  Was she P.O.ed?  Yes dear readers, her nostrils were flaring.  I think she called me a dyke under her breath, but I pretended not to hear it.  I was proud, I had stood my ground, without being rude or insulting.  I had made my point of, this is where I draw the line.  Now that I've drawn the line, the next step is for her to try to cross it.

 

Dont:  Thanks for your comment.  LOL, funny thing about you calling me sensitive.  The girl at work K______, she calls me Little Miss Sensitivity.  LOL, she really has no idea just how much.  Maybe I am too sensitive.  A good friend once described me as this:  Do you know why I love you so much?  Because you live life to the fullest.  You pay attention to the world around you, and you take chances.  My question was, how do you experience life if you're not open to the joys and heartaches of it all. 

 

I say that, and today my heart was hurting over Lil Bit, for some reason, just bothered me today.  I know that tomarrow things will be different, maybe it was just one of those days.

I heard an expression today, over and over and over again.  First time I heard it, I was at work, shoved up in my cubical, trying to blink back tears, and not let anyone else know.

K______:  Are you ok?

Me:  Yes, I'm fine, silly horemones.

K_____:  Baby, don't worry God will take care of you, there is a reason for his ways.

 

 

 

Later on, I met a woman at QT while standing there pumping gas.  I noticed the missing window.

 

Me:  Wow, looks like a nasty mess there.

Woman:  Yes, trucker had a piece of board come loose, I'm lucky it didn't kill me.

Me:  Wow, you ARE lucky!

Woman:  The Lord was lookin out for me, everything happens for a reason. (at this point, I was kinda like, eh?)

 

 

Later on, while putting the kids on the bus for ice skating, I over hear this coversation

 

Man:  I can'tbelieve that my car broke down, I just got the damn thing out of the shop

Woman: We didn't have enough money to go anyways, we'll just stay here.

Man:  My mother was expecting us.

Woman:  Everything happens for a reason.    (by now, I'm thinking, OK I GOT THE MESSAGE)

 

 

Still later, while picking up the kids off the bus, a woman was talking to the school councelor and I didn't hear what they were talking about.  Only caught:

Teacher:  I'm so sorry

Woman:  This is in his plan, everything will be ok. 

 

 

 

By this point, I'm really weirded out.  Apparently, someone up there wants to talk to lil ol' me.  I'm putting jammies on the kids, and making sure everyone has brushed their teeth, and washed their hands.  Go to the bathroom and get a drink of water, and I'm tucking them all into their little beds.  Ally-tude with her purple down blanket up to her chin, with one of her favorite dolls right next to her.  I kiss her good night....

 

Ally-tude:  Mommy, I love you

Me:  I love you too baby angel, go to sleep don't get up again.  We have to get up early tomarrow

Ally-tude:  Mommy, God loves you

Me: (look of panic and awe)

Ally-tude:  Mommy do you pray?

Me:  Ummm... sometimes?

Ally-tude:  Maybe you should

 

 

I walked out of the room feeling 2 inches tall.  Got online and seen an email from Sherry. 

 

Sherry: .... really does go to show that everything happens for a reason, at least thats what I try to believe.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Call me crazy!  This is all just a little too strange.  Perhaps, I need to go to church, sounds like I've got some quality time to spend with the old man upstairs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nineteen-year-old Ali Kemp had just finished her freshman year at Kansas State University. She returned home for the summer and took a job as a pool attendant at a community pool in Leawood, Kan.  The pool was only a mile from her home; there was no reason to question her safety.  June 18, 2002, dawned rainy and overcast. At 2:00 pm Ali relieved her boyfriend of his shift at the pool.   Ali sometimes called her friends to come keep her company.  Police say at 2:56 p.m. she phoned one of her girlfriends and asked her to stop by the pool. According to police, that is the last time anyone heard from Ali.  Police believe a man who may have been stalking her approached her sometime between 2:56 p.m. and 3:15 p.m. that day.  Major Craig Hill from the Leawood Police Department believes the killer somehow managed to get Ali in the pump room where a fight ensued. He says Ali fought for her life, but the 19 year-old was no match for her attacker. He overpowered her and beat the life out of the healthy teenager in a matter of minutes.  Around 5:15 p.m., Ali's younger brother arrived at the pool to take over her shift.  Ali was supposed to meet her boyfriend for a date.  When her brother arrived, he called for Ali, but she wasn't there. All of Ali's personal belongings were still on the table, but she was gone.  Her brother became concerned and called their father. Roger Kemp came down to the pool and searched the grounds, but couldn't find her either. When he checked the pool pump room for a second time, he noticed a foot sticking out from under a pool tarp.  Sprawled under the tarp was Ali's lifeless body, face down on the ground. Leawood police were called to the scene and an intense investigation was launched. Once they began piecing together clues, they realized they had a lead.  Ali's friend had showed up at the pool and had got a good look at the suspected killer. "At 3:15 one of Ali's girlfriends from school pulled into the parking lot of the pool honked her horn hoping that Ali would come out and visit her.  She didn't really want to go inside and she observed a white male," said Detective Hill. "He looked directly at the young lady." Police say Ali's friend saw the strange man get into a 1980s light colored Ford pickup truck and drive off. Police believe that man is Ali's killer. Lee Hammond, a forensic artist sat down with the friend and generated a sketch of the man based on her memory of his round face and thinning brown hair.

Police have in custody the man that killed her.  In a shocking turn of events he admitted to killing Ali Kemp.  He said that he didn't mean to, the trial has begun.  I have to say, I'm damn moved by Roger Kemp, her father.  Sometimes, when people are killed the police investigate for awhile then they give up.  Roger Kemp demanded justice.  He was in there face, on the media, making headlines, making his point known.  Roger Kemp is one of the people that I've wanted to meet.  Imagion the courage and the strength he possesses.  I can only hope, that if somthing terrible ever happened to me, my dad would stand up for me, like Roger Kemp did for his daughter Ali.

Last night, I was sitting at the kitchen table making out bills.  Which I probably one of the hardest things that the kids have understanding.  All four of us sit down and we figure out how much money we have, and how many bills we have.  You may think this a little strange, but I believe that kids need to know the importance of a dollar, and how hard it is to come by money right now.  I'm a single mom with three kids, money is ALWAYS tight.  This also cuts down on the fits that other kids throw in the stores for toys that are expensive or un-needed.  So as we are sitting there making out bills, the kids know that this is the time that we all need to put in our orders for the week.  School field trips, book fairs, skating parties, need more gel ect. 

 

Last night, I realized that with the sitter raising her prices on my last week, that I didn't make budget this week.  I'm under 30 bucks to be honest.  Not a seriously big deal.  Been shorter before, I just put off the electric bill another week.  Everyone does this it's no big deal.  I "release" the kids, and they go off to do their own little things.  About fifteen minutes later, Toadman brings me in his gameboy and all his games.  He has a nice collection of games, and we all enjoy playing them.  He put them on the table in front of me, and I looked up. Here is what was said:

 

Me:  Whats up Toad?  I can't play right now.

Toad:  Mom I want you to have these.

Me:  I don't need them, I don't like games like you do.

Toad:  We could sell them and then use the money for bills.

Me:  No, we aren't selling your toys, we'll be just fine, don't worry.

Toad:  Maybe I should get a job

Me:  Toad, don't worry, everything will be ok, we're just a little short this week.

Toad: Mom, I'm worried, what if they shut off our lights.

Me:  I'll call them in the morning, please don't worry, it  breaks my heart.

Toad:  Who loves ya mom?  (while putting his arms around my shoulders and squeezing).

 

Have I mentioned how much I love my kids lately?  I love them, more than anything.  Maybe, I don't always make the right choices in punishments, or an occassion to loose my cool.  All in all?  I think the kids are turning out just fine.

 

 

 

Manager's Note:  I have had 528 hits sence Sunday!  Wow!  I'm so feelin the love!  Thanks so much ya'll!

Well I'm sitting here trying to decide what to do. Kids are out of school today.  Do I go into work?  Do I call in and say that school is canceled.  The sitter called last night and told me I should go in today.  We don't have alot of snow.  It's just all ice.  I could still grab the bus, let the Metro do the driving, ice scares the hell outta me.  Ever sence my step sister died in a car crash driving has scared me period.  I was one of the first people on the scene.  I seen the car wrapped around the pole.  I seen all the blood.  Its a perment memory burned in with pain and fear.  I remember the black man, Darrel Robinson for those who might know him.  I think he's dead now, so I can use his name name.  Falling in the middle of the road, screaming like a child, shaking.  A man of six two, prolly three hundred pounds, falling apart, breaking down, in greif and horror.  I never want to see anything like that again.

 

I think I'm going to go take a walk outside.  See how bad the roads are.  Walk up to the main road, see how bad is it.  Man I hate the ice.