Looking out of my office window over the city-scape of downtown Kansas City, I realize, after all this time, I have arrived. To the job that I've always dreamed about and to the office that I love, and working with people that are kind and decent. The sun winks at me off the huge windows of the new Sprint Center, and I can't help but grin. Through it all, through all those that didn't believe, here I am.

Yesterday there were storms galore! For those who don't know, I'm a storm lover. Not a storm chaser though, I have kids to look out for. I do love them though. The other night, while I was in bed, the wind howled and blew around my apartment building. The lightening shattered the darkness while the thunder bellowed with his massive voice. I lay perfectly content in my bed, naked on top of the covers, basking in the storms electric light. The ran was sprinkling me through the window, that I had left open for the breeze. Everything was quiet in ghetto-ville, and it was almost peaceful (as peaceful as my neighborhood can be). I fell asleep to raindrops dancing on my windows and glancing off onto my body, very very nice.

I've been packing things. Almost with reservation. Not that I don't want to move, because I do. Now that the kids' dad can't really do anything about where I move or what I do, life is so much simpler. To update everyone, the kids' dad has lost all visitation rights, and is no longer allowed to be around my children or anywhere that they may be. I still don't get child support, however, I'm making bills just fine. I got a car, and I'm moving soon. Still to an apartment, and still in a better part of town (not that my area of town is bad, just my immeadiate neighborhood). My new apartment is much bigger. 2 bathrooms, patio (or balcony), 3 bedrooms, storage area, separate kitchen and eating area. Pool, weightroom, movie watching area. Now will I use most of the extra "perks"? Probably not, but for the same price I pay now, I could have a much nicer place to live. It's also in the same school district for the kids and I love that. I love their school, and they have friends there. I don't want to disrupt that.

Yet I was digressing. I've begun packing. Little things, and I'm hesitant about it. Last time I thought I was moving, Zero shoved it back into my face. It brings him up in my mind and in my heart again from time to time. I just shove it back into my memory where he belongs. It was his choice after all. I never was comfortable with his "sexual desires" anyways. Better off this way. So I've started throwing things away again. All kinds of little things that I thought I would keep forever. The fortune cookie tabs from The Denny's Boy. Cards and Letters and little notes from Zero. Little things that the kids' dad had gotten me when he still loved me. All in a plastic bag, all in the dumpster. Its liberating. Taking control of ones life and getting rid of the trash that clutters the heart and soul.

The kids have finally started packing too. Toad has thrown away a lot of stuff that he doesn't want, but not Doodle. Tude was in her room packing up her doll house items when she came across a picture of her and Zero. She didn't remember him. I was a little surprised. She asked me when her uncle BeeJay had shaved his head. I just told her that it wasn't BeeJay, and she laughed and tried to tickle me. She has forgotten about Zero, I can't say that's a bad thing. All in all, the kids and I are doing great. No one needs to worry about us, and no one needs to wonder what we are up to. I must get back to work now...
till next time...