After all my worry and fret over everything turning out just right, it all ended up very well.  The slime?  Didn't really congeal, but it did turn into a type of putty, it was really cool.  All the other parents thought I was the bomb, asking me if I had the recipie for it.  Toad was the star, sence his mom is the room mom, then he already knew what the craft was.  He was so excited.  The kids were very happy to be playing with "chemicals"  (borax diluted 3:1).  He got to help some of the other students too, which was really really cool for him.  For once, he was the star, and he got the attention, and he was a little shy about it.  I was so happy for him, he really deserved it.  I made sure to have on make-up ect, so as not to appear "unsightly" LOL.  Ally-tude went to Toad's class with me.  She was very well behaved and was a huge helper to me.  The girls in Toad's class just love Ally-tude.  We have alot of the same students this year that we did in years before, so we all know each other. 

 

Doodle had a great party, I didn't get to attend.  I had so much planned that I ran out of time, and we rushed through snack time.  I did get a chance to drop of stickers and a bag of candy to his class though.  He's made me promise next year it's his turn.  How in the hell did I get roped into that!  I was room mom this year, because I got tired of Toadman telling me that he never did anything, or missing a party or special occasion because I wasn't informed.  Well jokes on me, now that I've been room mom?  I get the pleasure of continuing being room mom.  Now I just have to split myself between 2 classes.  Don't forget Ally-tude is in school next year too.  Can we say 3 classes then, talk about tri-sected.   All in all it was great.  Toad's team won the toilet paper mummy contest too, he had the idea to tuck the toilet paper into the kids shoes to keep it from sliding.  What to go Toad!

 

 

After the school festivities, we all went to SBG's house.  She made a yummy meatloaf dinner and then we went to Old North East, where all the victorian mansions are, and trick or treated.  Cops out walking the streets, and hundreds of kids.   The houses were all decked out, and I mainly hung out with Ally-tude.  Making sure she didn't kill herself ballett dancing all over the place, I was terrified of her pirroetting into a moving vehical!  Doodle floated between SBG and my sister (who also came with us).  There was one house that was all decked out and had people jupming out to scare people.  One girl was climbinb out of the coffin, she was prolly 10 but she looked so wicked.  Ally-tude screamed in terror the entire way through.  I'm such a mean mom, I tried to get Ally-tude to go see if this one guy's arm was really sawed off, she just screamed even louder, while I giggled with pure evil delight.  I've probably scarred her, she'll more than likely need some therapy.

 

Toadman hung with the older boys tonight.  ManBoy, 15, and D______ (manboy's cousin) 14.  They palled around with him, and he was joking right along with them.  He got to be involved in high fives in scaring smaller kids, and I even caught him checking out a girl.  Slutty little Cinderella princess is what she was.  The little harlot, trying to steal my innocent little boy!  After a few hours we all headed back to SBG's house and hung out for a bit.  Toadman was even invited to go out AGAIN with the older boys!  He was so thrilled!  His face just lit up, he had a niche, and he had friends.  I was/am so happy!  It thrills me to no end to see him socializing with other kids.  Today, Toadman had a most excellent day.  He even got a disposable camera from one house.  Lord help us all. 

 

We left SBG's house and got to the main road.  I heard deep rythmic breathing, I turned around, and in the mile to the road, all three kids were fast asleep in the back.  They are so cute when they are sleeping!  I have pictures, but I am too pooped to post them, I'll post them tomarrow or somthing.  Toad was a vampire (again) and Doodle was Freddy Ally-tude was a fairy princess with glitter and make up type girl.  All 3 kids turned out adorable.  Speaking of I'm tired myself.  Hope ya'll had a great Halloween!

 

(btw.... all the 3 musketeers were bad, and a couple reeces peanut butter cups ;))

 

 

Here it is a little after 7am and I am in the zone.  All night long, even in my sleep, I was making step by step plans for what I needed to do today.  Waking up, 20 mins late of course, and then I had to throw my little Ally-tude together.  She can't wear Halloween costumes in her school.  But they have a PJ party!  So off with one set of PJ's and on with another set.  Little Miss Pink and White Big Bird is on her way, actually not, she's sitting in the chair waiting for the school bus. 

 

The boys on the other hand?  God help me today.  Today is my debute as room mom.  I have gotten everything together, and need to still stop and get a few things.  I have tons of prizes and little erasers and spider rings.  I have borax and glue, to make slime, and still need to go pick up prep cups and such.  Great thing about it?  After all 3 outfits, everything I needed for the class parties, and for Halloween night, I have only spent 50 bucks.  I'm very impressed.  Normally, that would be a ton for me to be spending on Halloween, but I had no idea how much stuff that I needed to have together for this party in Toadman's class!  Next year, I have to be room mom for Doodle's class.  It will be the same thing all over again. 

 

Ally-tude's bus is here, and the boys leave in about an hour.  Thank god, I've got so much to do still.

 

Update:  9:27am

Everyone is off, and it's time to start.  I'm a little nervous, my heart is beating a mile a minute.  I am so excited this is all gonne be so great as long as it all goes as planned.  Zero crossed my mind, just cause of last Halloween.  I don't have time to think about him, or else I would ponder on it.

After reading Lucy's comment more than twenty times, I got to picking it apart. Sorry Luce, its a bad habit.  I noticed that she lives in CT!  I have ALWAYS wanted to visit the New England area.  The beautiful old homes, with its rustic wood work, and secret treasures, and haunted interiors.  New England accents sound pretty cool too.  When I think of New England I think of beautiful trees in the fall, clam chowder, 911, and Whos the Boss.  LOL.  Those are the first few things that come to mind.  I'm sure other people have a stero-type of what someone from Missouri would look like. 

 

When there is a devasting tornado?  Or a huge flood, then TV news crews find the dopiest looking guy out there, who is missing a chromosone or two to speak on behalf of his fellow townsmen.  He's usually missing a couple teeth, and he'll have on a racing shirt, and maybe a plaid shirt covering it, quite possibly wearing bibbed overalls.  Not saying that I've havn't seen those guys here and there, hell I grew up in a small farming town.  Far enough away from the city to be self sufficent.  All the little neighboring towns shipped kids into our school.  If there was 3 inches of snow in town, you could be there was about 5 in Polo or Stet.  Those places were out in the sticks.  Sence then, I've seens smaller... all stories for another day. 

 

I've come to realize the more north you go in Missouri, the more "civilized" it becomes.  In very southern Missouri, north in Arkansas, I have seen a man with only bibbed overhauls, that were hangin pretty nasty, few dirty teeth in their mouther, hair that was matted to his head, living in a single wide, trash sacks heaped up the side of the building, with a million lawn mowers in his front "yard".  A matching pile of bicycles with a sign that said lawn mower and bicyle repair hangin out on the side of the road.  Then I have trick or treated in Johnson County.  It's the 3rd richest county in Kansas.  There are million dollar homes.  In Olathe, there are some that go for four or five times that amount I'm sure  Which is technically in Kansas, but only 15 minutes from my house in non-rush hour traffic.  Depending on if you say "Missoureeeee" or "Missurah" is where you live also.  More toweard the Ozarks the more "hillbilly" ya get.  I know people that are prowd when you call them a redneck or a hick.  LOL.  

 

I havn't lived all over, but I've lived in a few different areas.  I like KC the best so far.  Kansas City is my home.  Down to my favorite radio station in the morning, to the skyline in the morning rush hour, coming into downtown, crossing the sun glinted river.  Cause other than that, the Missouri River is a winding river of mud.  Which I've seen flood, another story for another day.  There is also a feeling of kinsmanship.  A sence of neighborly feelings, and lemonaid stand advice.  Growing up in R-town when we stayed home alone, I knew all of the neighbors on my street, and had probably stopped and talked to them everyday on the way home from school, picked all the flowers in her flower garden, or tromped through there yard, making a short cut on the way home from school, or going to do somthing.  We walked everywhere as kids.  I used to walk to the pool everyday.  Walked to school all the time, even walked back and forth to work!  Of course R-town has grown a bit in size now, but still accessable on foot if need be.  There were many times that my dad would send me to Break Time with a note to buy his smokes,or to the local grocer a few blocks up the road to Harlold's to get a gallon of milk, or a loaf of bread.  It was a simpler life then, maybe because I was a kid who knows. My point is, I was like other kids in town, who did the same thing.  We rode our bikes, walked, and lived a normal childhood, free from most harm.  Our parents knew what we did on the other side of town, growing up in a small town has huge benefits.  I've heard of people that all live in the same apartment building and never even smile at each other, don't even know their first names.  Have never traveled outside of six blocks!!  I can't imagion what thats like!!  People in R-town still wave to each other driving down Main Street!  Trucks with huge trailers full of cattle are a commen sight, occassionally a tractor can be seen driving straight thru the middle of town.

 

Of course we did have Bob Burdella. 

There is somthing that I've just realized about myself.  Self realizations are always such a bitch.  For years, actually as long as he's been alive, I've been worried about Toadman and his behavior.  He has little to no impulse control and is unfocused and erractic.  He won't/can't pay attention in class, he has terrible social interaction with his peers.  On the flip side of that, Toadman is extremely intelligent.  He's constantly thinking and he knows more than anyone gives him credit for.  Sometimes, when he talks to me, I wonder if I'm talking to a boy or to a small man.  He worries about bills, he stresses about having money for christmas or birthdays.  I try to get him involved in some type of activity, and he says he'd rather use the money for other things.  As admirable as that all is, I still worry that he's missing somthing very important.  He's missing trust.  He doesn't trust many people, even I have been outcasted in the past 4 or 5 months.  I keep hoping that he'll turn around, like children in phases do. 

 

This past week was parent teacher conferences, I always dread them.  I never know exactly what to say to the teachers when they have a problem with the boys.  My boys are typical rough and rowdy, say bad words behind the grown ups back, and sneak critters into their rooms, in hope to hide pets from me (occassionally, I find a dead dried up frog or crunch worm hidden somewhere in a secret hide-a-way).  Doodle's was first.  He's having some problem reading, but he's coming along nicely and the teacher is helping him with some extra reading.  He loves Sally, Dick and Jane books.  Doodle is always a charmer though, with his toothless grin and his blonde curly hair, he's hard not to just grab and kiss his whole face up.  Everyone loves Doodle.  In fact, Doodle has the same teacher this year, that Toadman did in first grade!  She's a great gal.  At the end of the conference, she made a mention of how different the boys are, but that sometimes that happens.   I think it was an omen.

 

When I got up stairs to Toadman's conference, I was greeted by the teacher AND the guidence councelor.  That;s never a good sign.  That usually means that there is a huge problem.  The councelor has been working with Toad sence the 2nd half of kindergarden, when we moved to this school district.  She said that over the years, Toad has come along ways, but that she thinks he is depressed.  He has alot on his mind, and that he doesn't trust a soul completely.  She said for children to do that, it's never a good sign.  I cringed inside, but I tried to keep it together.  I tried not to make light of it, but I really felt like it was none of their business.  What goes on in my family, well, it stays in my family.  We don't usually spread it around.  If anything, my blog is the biggest spread that we give.  Toadman has no close friends, and no one that he consistantly plays with.  I was almost in tears listening to the teacher talk about Toad.  Both of them were very very kind, it's just hard to hear people say things about your child, that you know are true, but you still don't want to hear them.  They suggested I take him to a therapist.  As much as I hate it, I think they are right.

 

I walked to the school,needing the excersize, and the fresh air, so that put me walking home too.  On the way home, I thought about how what the teachers were saying about Toad is also true of me.  I'm erractic.  Even during a conversation, I jump around in it, and I can't stay focused on topic.  I'm very anxious and "high energy"  I bounce around like I'm on springs.  My feet hit the floor running, and they usually don't stop till I fall over in bed, especially when I'm working.  I didn't have alot of friends in school either, especially in elementary and the dreaded middle school.  In highschool I had a couple of close friends, and I had a close childhood friend, but I don't talk to them much anymore.  Even my childhood best friend K ______, we talk maybe once every 3 or 4 years.  I have my SBG, and we are pretty close, we are like sisters anymore.  My sister and I are close, but I'm not extremely close with any of my other brothers and sisters.  My parents don't mess with me much, dad tries in his way i guess, and my mom........ well..... thats a story for another day.... lol.  I kept remembering how it felt to be so isolated inside myself, and my heart was breaking for my son.  In fact, it still does.

 

I've still been thinking about it, and it's been several days now.  I have little impulse control.  I'm quick tempered and I'm spontanious to a fault.  I get wrapped up in one idea, and it's hard for me to see outside that realm.  Toad is the same way.  I'm scatterbrained too, I lose things, only to find them later after I've replaced them, I can spend money like no tomarrow (I have to really watch it).  When I drink, I don't know how to just drink one or two, I don't know where my limit is.  Some people have addictions to alcohol, or drugs, caffine or food.  I think I have an addiction to being out of control.  I think Toadman may share in this "addiction", I may have passed it on to him.

 

I was talking toLil Bit today, and we were talking about loss of control.  He's tightly controlled, I can tell in his voice, and what he says.  He always has been, or at least he was 10 years ago, and he hasn't changed THAT much.  He seems to pride himself in it, and he uses it to his advantage.  Believe me there were times I wanted to throw somthing at him, he was so passive.  I'd be upset and throwing a fit, andhe just sit there and look at me and talk very calmly.  Drove me to the brink of sanity more than once, LOL.  Where I on the other hand, I'm unorganized, and sloppy.  I'm erratic and fool-hardy.  I make alot of stupid mistakes, then kick myself in the ass for them later.  I've done it my whole life.

 

By realizing these faults in myself, perhaps I can change them.  I'm just not sure where to start.  The best place is always the beginning, but where is the beginning to self control

Tonight, it was just me and my Ally-tude.  It was just us girls, the boys are gone.  They are staying the night with my sister.  I feel like I don't see the kids much anymore, and I miss them alot.  I think it's good for them though.  To be getting social interaction, even if that means leaving me behind sometimes.  Whatever it takes, get them raised.  LOL. 

 

So after RiRi, MyYourBaby, Toad, and Doodle left............. Ally-tude and I decided we were tired of sitting in the house.  I got paid today, so I decided to blow 10 bucks and go to Taco Bell.  We actually went inside, which thrilled Ally-tude to death!  She got to sit in her own chair at the table, and she brought along her baby "ashley" to sit with us.  Ally-tude even got her own tray to carry.  We sat down to eat, and Ally-tude said grace, then we dug in.  Ally-tude took a huge bite, then her face blanched.  She immeadiatly spit it out, "This tastes like it has poop in it!".  Of course she couldn't be quiet about it.  She yelled it so loud that I'm sure the people in the drive through heard her.  I took the taco apart, proving that it didin't have poop in it, and only then would she eat it, after many test smells and me taking a bite of it too.  She was convinced someone pooped in her taco.  Somtimes I worry about my daughter!  She's such a ham.

 

After we left Taco Bell we went to the car wash, it's been spitting rain here for three days, I've got road grime all over my lizard-wagon.  I like my car though, I saved for a long time to get it, I try to take good care of it.  As we pulled up to wash the car, I really didn't want to get out and wash it, so we went through the automatic one.  I punched in my requirements, and gave the machine my money.  It fought me, but I won the war.  We pulled into the bay, and different colors of soap were swirling all around us.  Purple, yellow and pink!  Ally-tude was delighted!  All her favorite colors!  I cracked the window for her, and she got a little spray, which she loved.  I cranked up the radio, to "call me when you're sober" by Evenescence.  Ally-tude and I were jammin.  Radio cranked, full bellies, and swimming in a sea of pretty bubbles.

 

On the way home, Ally-tude was looking at the moon.  This is the conversation we had:

 

Ally-tude:  Mommy how big is the moon?

Me:  Its really big, bigger than a whole town!

Ally-tude:  Mom, are you lieing to me? (in a cross voice)

Me: Nope!  It's really big.  Isn't it pretty?

Ally-tude:  Mom quit changing the subject (getting crosser)

Me:  Ally-tude be nice

Ally-tude:  I'm not talking to you

Me: (turns up the radio)

Ally-tude:  (yelling) MOM TURN DOWN THE RADIO I'M TRYING TO TALK TO YOU!

 

Obviously, she's MY daughter.  If she was anymore like me, then the government would be talking to me in regards to cloning proceedures.  The only thing she doesn't seem to have, is my texture of hair.  It's the same color (if I didn't dye mine) and her eyes are my eyes.  And her attitude...... well...... let me tell ya folks..... she comes by it naturally.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was in trouble again.  He couldn't find his keys, and he thought I took them and hid them.  I knew I didn't hide them, I knew better than to do somthing stupid like that.  He always got stupid when he got mad.  My personal opinion was that the kids had taken the keys and played with them.  There was no way I was going to tell him that though, I'd just let him think he lost them, or worst case that I lost them.  I was still moving pretty slowly, I just had adominal surgery and was only home a couple weeks from the hospital.  This only six weeks after having a baby.  By this point, I hated him.  I had even went as far as to scrub the toilet with his toothbrush give it a light rinse, and then smile at him as he brushed his teeth.  I was disgusted with him, he had caused so much pain to so many, he was so self righteous about it.  He was doing it to make us better, to educate us how we were supposed to live life.  In his sick and demented way.  I felt the breeze as somthing zinged over my head, and crashed to the wall.  I think it was a boot.  I hit the floor, hard.  Pain jolted through me.  Immeadiatly, my mind went to the kids.  Toad with RiRi, Doodle playing in his room, and Ally-tude (still a new born) sleeping in the bassennet in my room.  As long as I kept my cool, everything would be ok.  He wasn't as mad as he had been in the past, and I was in no shape for another knock down drag out fight.  He stormed to the basement and  I used that time to check on Doodle, asleep on his bed, still holding the remote for his TV, while Barney sang away.  I wanted to cry, my sweet little boy, only 3 at the time, dreaming of a big purple dinosaur, and talking toys, while I was trying to figure out a way to leave his dad.  At first, I never dreamed of leaving him.  I was married after all, I took my vows very seriously.  Then I only entertained the thought once.  Then I only did when things really got bad, when I couldn't leave the house for awhile.  Then I started thinking about it more and more, till I thought about it all the time.  Then it consumed me.  I would dream about leaving him, I would walk out the door, and swear to myself I would not walk back in, just to be called in to go do somthing else for him.  I resented the house that I so loved when we moved in.  It had become my prison, and i was on a very short leash.

 

I had been making a plan, sence I was 3 months pregnant with Ally-tude, I was going to leave him.  Five years had been enough, and I was tired and scared, and fed up.  I was standing by the front door, and I heard the back door open and then slam shut, he was back inside.   I immeadiatly opened the front door and went out.  It was nice out, the sun was shining and it was warm.  End of May beginning of June, not too hot or humid.  I was still in my huge granny nightgown that my favorite aunt had given me to wear after my surgery.  I stepped off the porch onto the grass. Just enjoying the fact that I was alone.  He was inside, everyone was asleep, no one to bother or upset him. 

 

Suddenly, the back of my head exploded in pain.  Numbly I fumbled, I was falling backwards.  No, I was being pulled backwards!  He had come outside, I didn't hear him, I didn't turn around to see him standing there.  He drug me around the side of the porch by my hair.  To the side without stairs and he pulled me up the railing, me scrambling to keep up, I could hear my hair ripping out of the root.  About the same time that I stood up on the porch he jerked me inside, smacking my head on the door jam to make my ears ring, by this time, I'm fighting back.  Hitting, slapping, crying.  No sooner did I get around the door, and he kicked me.  He kicked me in the lower stomache, precisley where I had my inscion.  At that point, I just remember the pain.  It was white hot, it was blinding, and I was starting to throw up.  The pain was so intence, that I could feel him hitting me, over and over, but I didn't feel it.  I was curled up in a ball, holding my stomache.  I couldn't breathe.  I thought, oh no, the baby.  Wanted to scream out, but I couldn't breathe.  I wasn't pregnant though, it was just a thought I had thought before.  I was apparently not thinking straight.  I laid there sobbing, trying so hard not to wake Doodle, he was still sleeping.  I could hear Barney singing "7-8-9-10!".  Somehow there was blood on him, and he swore at me somthing like "You got your fucking blood on me" or "clean up this fuckign blood" I don't remember exactly.  Fucking and Blood where in there.  He went to go take a shower.  I finally managed to get up, and at that point, I wanted my mom. 

 

Quietly and quickly, I gathered Ally-tude and put her in her car seat, I took her to the truck and buckled her in.  I took Doodle out of his bed and carried him to the truck.  It was slow going, and he was so heavy.  Even for three, it really hurt to pick him up.  I did it though.  I went back in to grab my purse, already having stashed some important papers and some money at my moms, and I grabbed a spare set of keys that I had made, that he didn't know about.  They were hidden behind a loose brick in the basement.  I took them to Walmart in the middle of the night once, and I had copies made.  I let out the clutch and rolled back down out of the driveway, and popped the clutch at the end of the sloped drive.  I backed out to the road and then turned the opposit way of my mom's.  I gunned it, just as soon as I was two houses down.  Gasping for air, not knowing that I was holding my breath.  I locked the doors and started on the way.

 

I went fromWorlds of Fun to about where the drive in is.  For those of you not in KC thats about..... oh....... 15 miles.  My mom lived in Independence at the time.  By this time, Ally-tude is awake and barely looking around.  Strangely enough, I didn't hurt anymore.  I was as light as a cloud.  I stopped at a stop light, and suddenly, I was very very sleepy.  I couldn't keep my eyes open.  I must have closed them for a sec, because there was a shrill blast from a neighboring motorist, as he sped around me.  I pulled over to the side of the road, thinking, I'll just close my eyes for a second.  The doctor did say it would take awhile to recoup.  Having a baby, then surgery, sometimes it takes the body awhile to heal.  I must have dozed off again.  There was someone knocking on my window.  Actually more like pounding on the window, I thought she might break the glass.  She looked terrified.  She was yelling, but I couldn't make it out.  My first thought was an emergency.  Somthing is wrong with her, shes scared, maybe she's hurt. 

 

I rolled down the window and shes got gloves on, and shes trying to open my door!  She looks nice though.  She obviously concerned, and she's asking me if I'm alright.  Which amazes me, because shes the one that looks like a loon, fidgeting and almost paniced.   I remember sitting up, and realizing that the truk was still on.  I shut it off and opened the door  The second I tried to step out, and she pushed me back in the truck.  I wa beginning to get scared of this woman.  The looked kindly enough, she was about 50ish, colored hair, that auburn color that most middle aged women seem to prefer.  She had on a pair of capri pants, like those 3/4 pants.  She had a tank top on, and wore no make up.  She gave me some water, and I finally realize, she's not in danger or scared.  She taking care of me.  I was shocked.  How could she have known.  I tried to play it off.  She was telling me that she didn't have a cell phone, and was asking me if I had one.  I told her no, I don't, but my mom only lives a few more miles down the road.  She just kept telling me, we need to call someone.  I just drank the water, and tried to calm her down, I didn't want to wake the sleeping babies beside me.  I think it was then that she seem the kids.  Her entire expression changed.  I knew by then, that I must have looked pretty bad.  I didn't want to look in the mirror.  The woman's face told me more than I ever needed to know.  Finally I convinced her that I was ok to drive, but she insisted on following me to my mothers house.  I relented and she followed me.  I couldn't pick up the kids to carry them into my mom's house.  I was too tired, and I hurt by this point.  I was in so much pain that I could barely walk, or so I thought.  I managed though, left foot right foot, up to my mom's door.  I reached up to turn the knob, and noticed the yellowing and purple bruise that was there on the inside of my forearm.  "bastard," I thought "i didn't even get to heal up from the last fight".  I knocked on the door, and the woman appeared right behind me.  She asked if I was ok, I nodded, I pointed to my mom.  The woman went to sit with the kids, while my bothers got their shoes on to come help me bring in the two little ones from the truck.  I fell onto my mom's bed, and I slept for 13 hours.  I woke up long enough to pee, and go back to sleep for another 10.  When I woke up, I noticed that my mom was sitting there waiting for me to wakeup.  She had washed my face with a washrag while I slept.  She had covered me with a sheet and a blanket.  I could hear Doodle upstairs playing with MellonHead.  I just cried.  I coudn't help it.  I was so ashamed, I was so humiliated.  I felt like a failure, and I felt lost.  yes I had my plan, yes I was making provisions to leave him, but the time had come.  I got up and slowly changed into some sweat pants that my brother let me use, and an old t-shirt.  I got up and around, and reached for the diaper bag to grab a smoke.  I always kept them in the outside pouch, away from my baby angels things.  As I reached in, behind the pack of smokes was 100.00.  There were 5 twenties.  I just looked at it dumbfounded.  My mom took it out of my hand and put it in the jar with the other money I had been keeping at her house.  The woman that helped me, that followed me to my mom's house to make sure i was ok, the woman, the good samaratian who took it on herself to help out a girl who really needed it, had given me 100.00.  The kindness and the humanity was shaming,and I was thankful.  I cried again, and I kept crying.  I cried for prolly an hour.  Sobbing hysterically, and tears soaking my mother's robe as she held my head in her lap.  I slept again, when I woke up it was dark.  The baby, Ally-tude was right beside me, and Doodle was sleeping on the other side of me.  He had a kool-aid mustache, and Ally-tude was hungry, starting to whine.  I got up and made her a bottle, and pulled down the money jar.  I took out all of the money and I counted it.  In all I had 520.00.  I had to start over on 520.00.  I was thankful.  I wanted to cry again, but I was out of tears.  I put the money back, and pulled out a pad, and a pen, and began to make a list.  A list of things that I wanted in my life.  A list of things that would make life better for the four of us.  I labled it

 

"The C_____ Family" 

1. Sorta

2. Toadman

3. DoodleBug

4. Ally-tude

 

 

 

That was four years ago.  I've changed alot sence then.  I've got balls of iron, and I know that I have grit and substance.  I know that I can do anything I set my mind to.  If it not for the help of a stranger, I may have went back.  Without the fear, and then the knowing in her eyes, I might not have been so determined.  A woman without a name, but a woman with an image burned in my heart, and buried in my soul.

Yesterday morning when I woke up I had an amazing dicovery!  My baby birds have left the nest!  I now have three squawking meeping little birds to go along with my adult birds!  I'm so excited!  Now we just need names for them (and maybe another cage...... eek!)    They don't even have orange on their beaks yet, their beaks are still charcol colored!  And in another nest I have 9 eggs......... out of which maybe 2 birds will hatch, those 2 may not survive their parents to be honest. LOL.  I don't have time to take a picture of it, I have to go to work, I ddon't seem to have much time anymore.  We'll see about this weekend.

Toodles!

I didn't want to get out of bed today.  I had nightmeres all night, somthing about someone I know being in a MASH tent and being blown up by a detenation device.  It was terrible.  Thankfully, I will probably never have to see that.  I got a late start for work, about 10 minutes, but thats ok, just put me in the middle of the downtown loop while construction was going on, with a wreck at the end of it.  UHG! Sometimes people suck.  Work seemed to be productive, I'm through another month, only 10 more to go. 

 

Tonight the fun continues, after getting off work, it was PTA meeting and then taking Ally-tude's to her dads house.  I have to work all week and the kids don't have school the last 1/2 of this week.  Shocking me, he offered to watch all 3 kids for me during that time.  When I picked myself up off the proverbial floor, I rushed the girl child over there.  I took the sitters daughter with me, and Toadman stayed home alone.  Everyone did very well.  Toad had his chores done and Doodle and the girl were very good.

 

There really isn't much to say.  I''m scared to go to sleep, but I know that as soon as I hit the bed I'll fall asleep,  Maybe tomarrow, I'll have time to shave my legs. LOL

Sometimes the weekends are too fast.  This was one of those weekends.  After planning on taking that luxerious bath, I sat down on my bed, fell backwards, and decided it felt too good to lay down to move.  I must have fallen asleep for awhile.  This I got a really great phone call, and I was up again.  Got to talk to my Lil Bit for awhile, then I headed off to bed myself.  I slept in till 8:30 and felt guilty.  So much to get done.  I threw on some sweats and a huge tshirt and headed to the library.  I listen to books on tape at work, sometimes data entry can seem a little mindless and mundane.  Books on tape (or CD) give my brain a small vacation.  I got a Steven King set, Man in the Black Suit (a collection of stories) and a couple others. 

 

I stopped by and checked on the kids, gave Toad his meds then I was off to SBGs house.  I ended up staying down there, the quiet gets overwhelming sometimes.  We dressed up and took pics till 3 in the morning.  I slept till 10 this morning, and kicked myself in the butt.  I went to a couple of trift store with ShutterBug and TiTi, and her friend, then we went to Walmart.  I got Doodle's halloween outfit, he's going to be Freddy.  Ally-tude is going to be a fairy princess.  Toad is going to be superman.  Halloween is almost here. 

 

So tonight, I'll sit by the phone, I might be getting a phone call......

 

(manager's note:  below are the pictures last night, some of them I don't have make up on, and I look pretty bad, I have a bad profile, hope you enjoy them.  There are a couple that won't get posted here.........)

Twas a Friday night, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring not even a mouse.  Or a child, or a neighbor, or me.  Yes, I am sitting on my over grown booty not doin a damn thing.  Today was Friday!  I got my first paycheck from this job today.  Not to shabby for two days worth of work.  I paid the sitter and the phone bill, and still had enough left over to hold back into the rainy day account, not much but some, and thats all that it takes, little bits at a time.  After working today, I was wiped out by the time I got home.  It was 6:30pm when I put the key in the lock.  Kids' dad was here at 6:30 to pick them up.  After a couple of returned phone calls, and throwing somthing to eat in the microwave, I have just now sat down to relax. 

 

So what is a worn out momma to do?  Why take a bubble bath of course!!!  Even though they aren't good for you, bubble baths are one of my favorite things.  I have a nice sci-fi book, by Ray Bradbury, and some candles.  Perhaps, I'll go to grab some coffee later, go hit an all night diner, suck down coffee, and get wrapped up in my book.  Yeah, I need a break, this is soooooooooo gonna be great.

There is a black girl at work, I'll be damned if I can remember her name.  She's very nice, she's always got her hair done and her make up on.  She doesn't seem to mix much with the other girls, but they are all always very friendly to each other.  Today she came over and started playing with my hair.  To most people, they would think this odd.  However, I'm used to it.  As long as I can remember, people have played with my hair.  Complete strangers even, I guess I have that kind of hair, even though I seriously hate it.  Anyways, so the nice black girl (nameless, eek!) asks me if I've ever straightened my hair!  I told her yeah, but it works best with a pressing comb.  She about fell over!  She had never heard of a white girl using a pressing comb!  For those of you who don't know a pressing comb is kinda like a straightener just a little different.  Anyways, so I put my headphones back on, and I'm listening to a book on tape, and she puts her hand on my shoulder and scares the crap outta me.  She had brought pictures of her children over to show me. She told me that she, herself, was half white and half black.  Her first husband had been a white man, and they had a child.  Then they divorced and she married a black man, then they had 2 more children.  They picture of her oldest, a daughter, she's very light skinned.  She said that I must have had "good" blood in me.  I laughed, I couldn't help it.  It was great cause she was laughing harder than me.  I told her that I just have that kinda hair, certain products work better than others.  I think I made another new friend. 

 

Another note.... today Dr. Mc______ was walking holding a cup of coffee and a plate of food to take back to his office.  A nurse walked ahead of him, and he yelped out "hold the door please!".  The nurse, obviously not hearing him, didn't hold the door.  The doctor, not paying attention, and juggling several full items in his hands, doesn't seem to notice that the nurse has walked away.  So the doctor is walking briskly, hurrying to his office so he doesn't have to eat with "the office staff", and looks up just in time, to have that heavy wood door that separates the "office" from the "office", square in the face!  He never slowed down a step he just ran head first into a solid wood door, food and coffee spilling everywhere.  Coffee all over his nice clean white lab coat, and soy sauce and broccilli smashed into his chest, hot coffee flung in every direction.  He's bleeding from the nose, it's gushing down his face, white he's wiping it with his sleeve.  Someone behind me was getting the doctor some paper towels while another got ice.  I was eating lunch at the table, and had a mouth full of food, and thank god I did.  I was trying not to laugh my ass off!  I was so embarressed I didn't want to make a peep, lest the laughter just flood over me, and then I laughed at the doctor! 

Meanwhile, most everyone is up making sure that he's ok, cleaning up the mess, and then Deb says, "Well don't ask me to file THAT under workmans comp!  I'm swamped as it is!"  I couldn't hold it any longer.  I laughed and sprayed her with rice.  I couldn't help it.  It was all just too unbelievably funny not to laugh, and her side joke really just pushed me over the ledge.  As I'm horrified but still laughing, everyone else is laughing.  Another doctor walks in, sees food everywhere!  He just turned around and walked back out.  He didn't even ask questions. 

 

Man, am I ever going to miss this office.

Got home from work yesterday, and there was a note on the door.  The exterminator is coming today to fumeagate.  Which I'm glad, no one wants to ever see a bug in their house. Living in an apartment, I'll see one or two here and there.  So we started pulling everything out of the cabinets and we cleaned all the closets out cleaned.  All the dresser drawers came out, and furniture was moved to the center of the room. 

 

They really should give more than 24 hour notice, sheesh!  Worky worky, time to go.

I love my job.  I can't say it enough.  The people are interesting, and fun, I have been talking to several people at all points of the office.  I don't want to list them all in the Whos Whos list, this is only a temp job.  I'm gone on November 1st, I've already been told.  After the temp deal at the KCSD I was crushed to be let go, for reasons I think, for having to be home with a sick child.  The people at the Research are really upbeat and fun.  The girl that sits behind me listens to "Rock and Roll".  She plays it loud enough for the whole office to hear.  This morning, it was pretty loud when I came in.  She was jamming.  She gets there at 6am.  She's really friendly too.  She told me about her exhusband, and about her daughter who was married to a real dick of a guy from the sounds.  She also is into astrology!  The woman who I work under sits on the other side of the office in the "east wing" so to speak.  There are probably 40 people that work there, not counting to doctors.  I only talk to her when I have to, when I'm stuck, or when my brain shuts down.  (her names is H______).  Sometimes, I wonder if she likes me, but other times she seems ok.  Which isn't that big of a deal (temp  job).  M___P____ is a great lil gal.  She's H______'s boss (I think).  She took me around and showed me pictures of all of the holiday parties.  They are all themed.  Blues Brothers, ZZ Top, Elvis.  They all sing and dance in the skits that they do.  She even went as far to do a little job and burst into song!  She's a great gal.  Today at lunch, I sat next to a girl that works in the front part of the office (the west wing), and she borrowed my coding book to read up on.  We got to talking, and shes really into church.  She openly admits that shes a christian and shes devoted to the lord.  Its very admirable, I wish I had her faith, it's astounding.  She knows my name and makes it a point to have to go to the back office to say hi to me.  I've also made it a point to say hi to her at least once, usually in the morning.  Gives me a chance to "get noticed" by the doctors.  Doctors really like having a friendly coder around.  If I can work into it somehow, or maybe that doctor knows someone looking for a clerk or biller, somthing entry level, then I'll slip right in. 

 

I work with EOBs deal with alot of personal information, and I read numbers all day long.  And then I put them into an Excel sheet, and then I email the whole thing to H______ who reformats it the way she wants it then, she prints it out.  I caught her today going over some of my numbers.  I might ask her if she's finding alot of mistakes.  Somtimes when you read alot of numbers all the time, even if you double check yourself, you make mistakes.  Its part of a data entry world.  My ten key is getting faster.  Today I took along my Phillip K Dick book Minority Report (and several other stories, he's brilliant).  I listened to the whole thing all day long.  I didn't move much, other than for lunch and your first morning chit chat, how was your night, anything exciting happen? type of talk. 

 

The only bad thing is that in order to get somthing to drink, I have to go infront of M____ P_____'s office door.  So I try not to look guilty as I walk by her desk.  I did get up and walk around today though, hunched over a desk all day can wear on  your head.  LOL.  Drug reps bring great good, and then the people take turns cooking a huge meal.  Usually once a month someone takes a turn, thats what we eat for lunch.  I'm so gonna get fatter if I work here much longer.  LOL. 

 

All in all, it's a great group of people that work together.  Everyone seems nice, and everyone is friendly and helpful.  Even the snotty ones.  Eh, so it goes, it's just a temp job.

Everyone knows that I have birds.  Three of them actually, two females and a male.  He keeps them both knocked up constantly.  He's quite the birdy ladies man.  I've only had two birds hatch out of the eggs, before the adult birds peck the eggs to death.  Those two little babies didn't make it more than 3 days.  One died from eating the nesting material, and the other just didn't seem strong enough to live outside the egg.  After the death of the second baby bird, I quit checking the nest everyday.  Maybe I was causing the birds to kill their young.  The other day I heard a weird noise, so I checked the nests.  Sure enough!  Three brand new baby hatchlings!  They aren't brand new either.  They have some feathers growing and one had an eye open!  I was so excited!  So now we have 3 more birds.  I can't wait till they are big enough to get out of the nest!  One of the babies look a little  like Matilda.  One of their feet is clubbed looking, and it only has one open eye so far.  It made me a little sad for my lost Matilda, but then again, maybe this one will be special too. 

 

If you're counting that will put me up to six birds!  Oh hell..... I'm gonna need another nest!

About a  tonight, when I went to check to gas up the car for the week, I popped the hood on my car, and I was up under the car hood checking the oil and transmission fluid.  I noticed the oil was a tad low so I got out my reserve and all my car stuff out, ready to go.  I couldn't find my funnel anywhere, and with the two smaller kids in the car I didn't want to leave them unattended.  So what did I do?  I took an old newspaper and rolled it up into a funnel.  As I'm pouring the oil into this make shift funnel the paper starts to vaccuum inwards, causing a hindered flow of oil into my car.  I'm telling Doodle to get me a pencil out of the car, so I can open the "valve" of my concockted contraption.  While I'm fiddling with that and oil is getting everywhere (uhg) a car pulls up to the other side of the pump.  I'm not really pay much attention cause I'm getting all of this together and trying to make it work right.  The pencil trick is working but I have to keep the pencil in the funnel at an angel to keep the whole mess pouring.  I put in a half a quart like that.  I got it all sealed up and checked the transmission fluid.  It was fine, as I susapected, and then I washed the windshield.  Someone walks up behind me, and that someone is taller and broader than me.  Force of habit, I calculate how high the jaw is, because I'm holding a window washing tool in my hand, and I can easily spin it around fast enough to turn that thing into a deadly weapon.  In the next instant, I noticed that he was the owner of the car, on the pump over.  The guy is way inside my personal space by this point and is close enough to reach out and touch me.   He stopped and smiled though, asked if I needed any help with my car.  He whispered it, he didn't say it outloud.  He had an accent I don't know where from, sounded maybe a little asian to be honest.  The thing that tripped me out was his jacket.  It looked like one of those things that you would velcro cases of bullets to your chest and shoulders.  A sport bike jacket it've heard them called.  Regardless, it was really cool!  He seen that I was uncomfortable I think, he took a step back (or maybe it was the window washing tool weapon that I was ready to bash his skull in with) smiled again and got into his car.  The windows were dark tinted, when he rolled up his window, he was looking right at me.  I pretended not to notice, this guys attention was starting to bug me. I tried non-challantly to put the window washing tool weapon back, and dropped it on the ground.  Cussing at myself, I stooped down and picked it up, and hurridly skipped over to where my car was, and the younger two kids strapped into carseats.  The other car was still sitting there.  Windows rolled up, engine started, but not moving or turning on the headlights.  I couldn't get to my car fast enough.  I had only moved 20 yards away, enough to walk back over to the pole and fumble with the squeegee.  I got to my car, and was so relieved to get inside and lock the doors.  I started the car and turned on the lights, ready to pull out of the gas spot, and only then did the other car move.  He moved forward as soon as the car started and the lights came on.  I stayed where I was still he was on the other side of the station canopy and then he rolled down his window and waved.  Just a friendly little wave, three or four short snaps of the wrist. 

 

I think felt absolutly rediculous.  Somthing had unnerved me about this man, but it wasn't like he was bad looking, he was actually pretty cute.  It wasn't his manner, because he was smooth, he had a deep whisper, like butter.  Something was amiss though, and it made my hair on my arms stand up.  I couldn't get away from him fast enough.  However, he waited till I got my car started to leave.  Was he making sure that I was really ok?  Or was he talking on his cell phone maybe, and waited a second to talk before leaving.  For whatever reason, I felt stupid and insecure.  However, I did feel safe again, locked in my car. 

 

Doodle, Ally-tude, and I stopped by the bank, and got out money for the sitter this coming week, and I headed to Wendy's for a treat.  Somtime in September I bought 3 coupon books for Wendy's frostys.  Each book was a dollar a piece!  What a steal of a deal!  Considering frostys are .99 alone!  So I snagged 3 books while I was there.  This way when we are out and about, I can pull into Wendy's and get the kids a surprize for good behavior.  Makes the kids happy, and when they are happy?  My life is smooth sailing.  So I pull into Wendy's and order at the speaker, then pull around to the first window attendant.  I handed her two coupons, for the frostys then we headed to the next window.  While we waited, the kids and I were talking in the car.  Doodle had said somthing and I replied, "well you're crazy for eating icecream when it's cold outside!"  Which led to the 'you're crazy!  No Your Crazy!  NO YOUR CRAZY!   N O  Y O U R  C R A Z Y !!!!! ' discussion that always follows someone saying "you're crazy".  The lady apparently opened the window while I announced that Doodle was crazy and that's all there was too it.  The lady giggled and said "No lady, I think you're crazy!".  We all laughed, and Ally-tude laughed so hard she was snorting. 

 

As I drove home I got to thinking, something about that Asian guy really freaked me out.  Was my radar off?  The lady at Wendy's was friendly, and she didn't give me that vibe.  Somtimes I wonder if my feelers are really working properly.  A nice lookin man offers to help me with my car and I damn near go into panic attacks.  Some toothless woman at the drive through window, slinging me 2 jr frostys, sends me into a fit of hysterical giggles.  Sometimes?  I think that I have lost my mind.

After starting out domesticated, Saturday turned out to be slightly eventful.  I took Toadman to meet up with my sister, to go stay the night at her house tonight.  As I was walking out the door, the sitter called me and asked me to take her to the store.  I of course told her right away.  She charges me 60 bucks a week to watch Ally-tude for 5 1/2 hours a day, and the boys for 2 hours a day.  In daycare?  This would cost well over 200 buck-a-roos.  Way to expensive for my budget.  I was fortunate to find her.  She lives on a fixed income, so the money really helps her out.  Whenever she needs to go the store, or the drug store, or even the laundry mat; she'll call me to take her.  Normally, I don't mind, and I didn't mind today when she called either.  We went to Walmart, and we split up to do our shopping.  Agreeing to meet at the benches out front.  So as I'm walking around I ran into a girl I used to work with!  Got the scoop on a couple old co-workers and the nutso doc we worked for.  It was great to see her, it really was. 

 

As we walked around Walmart Ally-tude started whining.  She refused to talk, and whined continuesly for EVERYTHING.  As we are standing in line, I noticed that our line isn't moving.  The girl in the front was taking her sweet time to ring people up.  I have the two younger kids with me, and they hate waiting this long.  Doodle sends a hot wheel FLYING across a busy Walmart crossway while we are waiting in line, damn near beans another child in the head, and hits the kid's dad in the foot, sending it flying in yet another direction.  We waited in line for 20 mintues.  None of the lines were moving, and the place was packed!  Finally, we got through the line, and the lady behind me says to the cashier, "Wow do you think you could have taken any longer?  I want to kick my feet and scream too!  Jesus Fucking Christ!"  By this point I'm starting to make my way out of the little bagging area, and I damn near choked on my own tounge trying to keep from guffawing!  I look back and the girl that was in line behind me drops me a wink, then begins to inspect the prices of all of her items as they ring up on the register amount light. 

 

We all met up and headed back to my car, and then on to Price Chopper!  By this poing, both the kids are really having attitude issues.  I dopped the sitter off at Price Chopper then I headed to the thrift store next door to get some scrubs.  I can't wear the same 2 pairs over and over again.  Well I could I guess, but I'd rather not.  So after threatening to behead any child that was not 100% compliant with whatever I wanted, the three of us walked in.  This time, Ally-tude went in the front, and Doodle went in the back of the cart.  We are zooming through the thrift store so that we don't miss our companion at the grocery store.  As I'm standing there looking at the scrub tops on one end of the pole, there is a woman looking at the wedding dresses at the other end of the pole of clothes.  This is my favorite thrift store, there is always tons of cool things to look at.  Ally-tude has stared at those dresses a million times.  Everytime we would walk near them, she would ask "Momma?  When I grow up I'm going to get married."  I would smile and get a little misty eyed thinking about my baby angel being someone's bride.  Even typing about it makes me a little sad and weepy.  There was one dress Ally-tude always liked, it was heavily beaded and had sheer sleeves, that were beaded at the end.  The dress was stunning.  V-opened back, the whole 9 yards.  To be honest?  I would have loved to have it.  I have even taken it off the hanger pole and put it up next to me and kinda swirled around with it, to show Ally-tude what it looked like.  (back to today)  The girl that picked it up, actually took it to the dressing room.  The dressing room happened to by  right near the cashier!  So I took an extra long time to pay for my scrub shirt, and a copy of ToyStory on VHS (for a buck!).  While I was taking my sweet ol' time, the girl came out in the beautiful beaded wedding dress , and it fit her perfectly.  Like the dress had been made for her.  She took my breath away.  I looked at Ally-tude and her bottom lip was quivering.  She looked up at me with those big blue eyes of hers, so much like my own, welled up with tears.  "Mommy, she's going to buy my dress."   The woman looked at Ally-tude and took pity on the beautiful blonde hair cherub  and told her that she really wanted to buy the dress, but if Ally-tude didn't want her to, that she wouldn't.  She also told Ally-tude that someone else might buy the dress.  With that last part she looked over at me and smiled.  Eventually, Ally-tude eased up, and allowed this woman to buy dress.  It took alot of convincing, and some bargaining on both parts.  The woman obviously enchanted by my daughter, still wearing the wedding dress, seemed impressed by my daughter's vocabulary and at the way she "commanded" the conversation.   The woman did look great in it after all.  I gave the woman my name and address to send us an invitation to the wedding, which was the price Ally-tude demanded for the sale of her wedding dress. 

Yay for Saturday!  I woke up this morning and smiled, it's Saturday.  Best day of the week in my opinion!  Today has been jammed pack full of house cleaning, and laundry sorting.  I havn't done laundry in two weeks now, we have over flowing buckets of laundry.  We use a TON of laundry, and we have way to many clothes.  Seems like everytime I turn around I am putting away summer clothes, or dragging them down.  Which means a huge mess in my apartment.  Tonight Toadman stays the night with RiRi and her family, his reward for being good at school.  So that leaves me and the smaller two kids.  Perhaps, I'll take them to a movie tonight.  They have a two dollar movie behind our local mall.   Take my big purse, and load it up full of snacks and drinks.  They would love that. 

 

Maybe we'll all dress up and go.  Make it date night, we havn't had one of those in a long long time.  Now that I'm workin again, I can spend the ten bucks for a movie and not feel like I'm going to break the bank.  So as I sit here and smoke my cig lazily, my children are busting their humps cleaning their room.  Do I feel bad?  Nope not a bit.  Even an arguement with Lil Bit's sister hasn't ruined my day.  Life is sweet!

 

Look for a Bringing up Birdie's entry soon!  My birds are sorta busy too!

Today was my first day at my new temp job. Went pretty well if I say so myself.  I fixed an Excel page and I thought this lady was going to clap herself silly, she was so happy.  Sheesh, just a spread sheet.  All in all it's a decent job.  Beter than painting warehouses thats for sure.  The lady that sits behind me, she loves Halloween.  She has up tons of decorations and she has tons of candy out.  I can see my ass getting wider as I work there.  Apparently, they wanted a temp for two weeks.  Then they had me on the schedule that I seen for November 20th.  Soooooo... we'll see how it goes.  I can't drive clear out to Nall Ave, where the office is moving in January.  I'm already driving 45 mintues in rush hour to get to work.  Nall is about 20 mintues more in a different direction than where it is now.  That drive would tear up my little ghetto beater as it is.  However, it's a job and it pays the bills, and it's not too difficult.  The people aren't too bad either.  Today was five bucks to wear jeans day, it goes to help with funding for breast cancer research.  The girl behind me kept calling it booby day.  She had me in stitches all day long.  She knows whats goin on too, which is even more important.  Personally, I need to drag out my books from school and go over EOBs and denials forms again.  I'm a little rusty, been working to many different kinds of jobs.  Wouldn't hurt to brush up.  Prolly wouldn't hurt to go to the library this weekend and pick up Excel for dummies too.  Maybe a field trip on Saturday is in order (after all Saturday is story day at the library). 

 

This weekend is my weekend.  Doesn't look like we are going to make it to the pumpkin patch.  Maybe next time I have them.  Smacktard called tonight from North Carolina, wanting to talk to the kids.  He's driving the coast on vacation right now, must be nice.  So he won't be back for his next scheduled visitation.  Maybe we'll go to the pumpkin patch then.  Tomarrow night is the barn dance at the kids' school.  Sounds like fun, as long as everyone does ok at school tomarrow, maybe we'll go.  Other than that, this weekend we are decorating for Halloween.  It's only a couple weeks away, and I havn't even found a craft for the 4th graders.  I need to look at a few website, but I can barely stay awake as it is.  I still have laundry to do, and find clothes for tomarrow for everyone.  Seems like there are never enough hours in the day, or enough of me to go around sometimes.  LOL, the so called life of a single parent I guess.  Comes with the territory.  The kids seem to be adjusting well to me back at work again.  I work temp jobs so that if I have to take off for sitter issues, kids sick, or anything else, it would severlly impact much, just experience.  Be nice when the kids get older, maybe they could help out more.  Tomarrow, back to work!!!  Just think...... gas bill, light bill, water bill, rent..........

SBG really doesn't like her blog name!  So I've changed it!  She's the only gal that likes picture taking more than me, she's a real ShutterBug.  So hence her new name Shutterbug.  I start a new job tomarrow.  Cross your fingers!  Its only temp, but it's money comin in!!