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January 31 Sorta OffTude has been really sick. She had a very high ver at school and I picked her up and took her to the ER. They said, after 6 hours of IV bags and ice packs, that she had an intestinal virus. She was so sick. I was off work one day for a kidney stone, came in teh next day, and then had to leave 1/2 way through the day, to pick her up and take her to the ER. I was off work today staying home with her, because she was still sick with a fever. I HAVE to go to work tomarrow. It's not that I don't have sick days, because I do. I just have one of those jobs where you HAVE to be there. There is really no ifs ands or buts about it. My step-mom came to the city today to pick up the kids. The kids dont have school tomarrow and Tude couldn't go even if she wanted to. She was still running a fever slightly when they left.
After they left, I met my cousin at SidePockets for a drink and realized I have no idea what to do with myself. I'm at a pool hall sipping on a chick beer watching my cousin and some of his friends play pool. After awhile I burned out, it really wasn't a whole lot of fun. I went and did a load of laundry instead. While I'm watching the clothes dry. I'm realizing, I gave up going out to the bar and having drinks with new friends. Instead I'm sitting at the laundry mat bored to tears, but realizing that I really needed to do this. Strange the way that little things have so much to do with the grand scheme of things.
Tomarrow is Tude's birthday. The first birthday for any of the kids that I won't be there with them. She's going to be six. My little baby angel. She hates it when I call her that. Her little blue eyes flashing and her cheeks get all pink and she puts that little hand on her hip. Her eye brows all drawn together and says "I'm not a baby, I'm just an angel!". Believe it or not it's adorable. You can't help but grin at her when she does it. Which of course really upsets her and then she gets her feelings hurt and oh is there hell to pay then. She'll point her finger and "give you a talking to" telling you how much you have hurt her feelings and how wrong you are, and how sorry you must be. Yeah, well so she's alot like me. What can I say, she's just like me (god help the rest of the world).
Anyways, if I work two 12 hour days then I'll have made up all of my time that I have missed this week at work. So tomarrow is Friday and Saturday I won't have the kids either. I'm not going to say I'm excited. I do have alot to get done this week though. Wouldn't you know it. It's way past my bed time. Looks like this is the weekend that I had planned to go out. Looks like it's a working weekend instead. It's kinda like sitting at the laundry mat, watching the clothes bounce around in the dryer. January 29 The BrotherhoodTonight, my neighbor made chili. He made a huge amount and asked me if we wanted any. I had a block of cheese and some corn chips. Wahla! Food for the night in front of the TV. I had gone over to fill up the kids bowls (yes I'm sure it does look funny to other people, my carrying food out of his door to my house, a whole 5 steps. Yet, no one says "Stop the white girl, she's stealing home-boys chili!" yet I digress.) and was gone for about 2 minutes. While I was over there, Tude had followed to help me. Today was the 100th day at school, and Tude had a fake 100 dollar bill that is as big as an 8x10 sheet of paper. Obviously not of much use to me or her brothers but very special to her. Her teacher gave that to her for counting to 100!
While I was filling up bowls of chili, Tude had run back across the hallway to grab this fake bill to show the nieghbor. I swear she was gone from my sight about 30 seconds and let out one of those little girl ear piercing screams. I calmly set down the bowls. This isn't the first time that I have heard that scream, I hate it, but I don't make a big deal out of them. Last thing I want to do is feed into it. I walk 15 steps to the hallway and then I see the boys brawling on the floor. Bug has Toad wrapped in a headlock with his legs wrapped around Toad's shoulders and upper torso and Toad has a handfull of the seat of Bug britches and he's slowly dragging Bug off his back, using all of his strength to do it.
In my professional opinion--
And then in my professional wisdom(?)-- I made both boys go sit on their own beds while I talked to the other one. I made both boys stand there and tell me their side of the fight, and it was well with-in ear shot of the other. Both boys were crying and saying how mean the other was. Bug was talking to me last, Toad had went first. Bug told me that Toad told some of the kids at school that Bug was wetting the bed. Bug was really really upset about this. In my face is a little boy with big tears and his heart is breaking. However in my head, there was a time in my life when my middle sister told all of MY friends that I was wetting the bed when I was in second grade. The true horror was that it was true. Until that moment, I had completely forgot about that instance of childhood and it seemed so frivolous. I smiled in the memory and Bug thought I was laughing at him. I tried to tell him that I wasn't laughing at him, but he ran to the bathroom crying. The more I called after him the more I laughed. I couldn't help it, it wasn't in malice, it was really innocent I swear. While Bug ran to the bathroom, Toad ran in front of me and went into the bathroom with Bug. I stood there at the door while the two brothers talked. Toad: She's really mean Bug: You told everyone I peed at school Toad: No just the babies at daycare Bug: You told me friends at school too! No one wants to be my friend, now Jackson doesn't do the secret hadshake anymore! Toad: Thats not me, I didn't do that. Jackson's not a good kid Bug: Really Toad? Toad: Really, but I do know about parents. Bug: Oh really? Toad: Yeah, but I can't tell ya Bug: Why not? Toad: Because you wouldn't understand. If someone would have told me when I was a kid I wouldn't have understood either. You're just going to have to figure it out for yourself. Bug: Wow, Toad really? Toad: Really, now don't talk to mom we'll just walk out of the bathroom right to bed, don't even look at her. Eyes on your bed. Bug: Thanks Toad Toad: Yeah
At this point I made a bee line away from the door and pretended to look through some pictures on the bookcase while I was actually listening to their conversation. They both ignored me and walked immeadiatly into their room where they both got into bed without a sound. As for After all of the fighting and the hatred flashing in their eyes while locked in battle, the boys are close. They talk alot, but they don't like for me to hear what they are saying. All kids hate their moms, LOL, I am no exception. All kids love their moms, of course, I am no exception. Both of my boys are going to be charming little men, but it looks like they are also going to be best of friends. A brotherhood. Renalcalcifcationthe saga continues.........
Well I finally got ahold of the school. They of course blamed the daycare and the daycare is blaming the school. My opinion, both should be taking the blame because Bug took the fall. Poor kid was walkin in the cold scared wanting his mommy, and all the grown-ups could do is point fingers at each other. I ripped the daycare a new ass, and threw a fit. Again, not sure how much good it did. They have agreed to have the person dropping off the kids have all of the numbers to the parents of the children they are carrying plugged into their cell phones. I hope that made sence, it makes sence to me though. In return I will have the cell phone nubmers of the daycare workers that are dropping off my children. That way there can be no way to say.. "Hey what happened to one of Sorta's kids". The school has really upset me. they blame the daycare and take no responcibility other than a sincer apology. Needless to say, I'm very unsatisfied with the whole situation. Poor Bug is the one that was scared, I was terrified and everyone else has just pacified me. It leaves me feeling pretty helpless to say the least.
This morning I got up and was doubled over in pain. Another kidney stone. I finally passed it around 9amish. I wonder if these stones are stressed induced also. I put in for vacation at work. I'll be taking 3 days over Easter. I could sure sure use the vacation thats for sure. I'm still not feeling real great, I think I'll go lay back down.
Pregnant chicky? Sometimes it is scarey to be a Mommy, however, it's all worth it in the end. They drive me crazy, but the kidslets are my sole reason for living, without them I'm not me. January 25 My FridayThis was my day:
5:30am- wake up and do yoga
6:00am- wake up kids and get in the shower
7:00am- leave to take the kids to daycare and head to work
7:35am- pull into work and run into the building
9:30am- grab Tae and go for smoke break
11:30am- Tae and I go to Chili's for our Friday afternoon lunch. Rasberry Margarita's here we come!
1:45pm- Go for second break early, computer system is down
3:45pm- I call Tae, can this day get any more boring? Tae replys, no can we go get another margarita?
3:50pm- I realize I really need to potty
3:52pm- Daycare calls. "Did you pick up Bug early from school?" I reply, what do you mean you don't have Bug?!
3:53pm- I call the school, where is Bug, daycare said that they didn't pick him up!? Schools says "We don't know where he is"
3:55pm- I grab my purse and coat, run to the elevator, shove a co-worker out of the way and wonder why elevators are so slow when you need to MOVE! I jump in the truck and fly like a bat out of hell home
3:57pm- I run a red light and flip off a car that honked at me, while frantically calling the school and daycare, one on each line.
4:03pm- I call the police while weaving in and out of traffic
4:10pm- I sit in traffic and yell and scream at the other drivers to get the FUCK of out of the way!
4:17pm- I screach into the apartment complex in search of Bug, as soon as I pull up my neighbor across the hall opens the window and tells me "did you lose a kid? I think I have one that belongs to you"
4:17pm- The school receptionist drives up behind me, telling me how sorry she is that Bug is missing and that she's looking for him too. I tell her that he has been found and I will be up at the school directly. I told her to have the principal and the superintendant there waiting for me.
4:19pm- I grab Bug and hug him. He cries and I cry. I'm so thankful that he's ok, and that he's safe. He's thankful that he's not in trouble. He was so worried that I would be angry with him.
4:40pm- Head to the school, no one is there. Pissed I drive to the daycare.
4:45pm- Walk in the door of the daycare on a mission.
4:50pm- I am chewing the ever loving fat off of the daycare worker that left without picking up Bug at school. Her excuse? Well I figured he had went home sick, the other two kids didn't know if he was sick or not. To which I replyed HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND!
5:00pm- The kids therapist walks through the door of the daycare. Now I have to explain to her why I'm frantic and losing my mind!
5:45pm- Walk through the front door and drop our items
5:46pm- Run to the bathroom, and pee
6:00pm- Call my step-mom bawling, I don't want to be a mom anymore, I can't do this, I wanna move back home
6:00pm- My step-mom cries with me
6:20pm- I order pizza, I really don't want to cook
6:30pm- Tude and Bug are having an all out war over what to watch on TV
6:31pm- Tude threatens to ride Bug like a horse again.
7:30pm- I begin this blog
For a day that started out so boring, and mundane, it has really kicked my ass. I need a good strong drink after the kids go to bed.
January 21 Sunday Sunday SundayYesterday, I went to get in the car to take Tude to get her hair cut. As I got in I noticed the front driver side tire very very low. I swore (under my breath of course) and hurried the kids back inside out of the cold. I had to get the tire aired up and fixed. I called everyone I could think of and then a few that I normally would not have called. Finally, I gave up and the kids and I walked to QT (about 2 miles up the road) and got 2 cans of fix a flat. It worked enough to get me to the tire shop. I sat and waited with all three kids for 2 hours. They were busy busy busy. After about 45 minutes, I decided maybe it would be best to get 3 kids out of the waiting room for the tire to be fixed.
So in my brilliance I decided to take the kids to Subway. Armed with a coupon and an empty tummy, we headed over to the Subway on foot. Maybe 1/2 a block. Still enough to start running just to keep warm. So we ate to our hearts content and the guy behind the counter even gave the kids free toys to go with their meals! Most excellent! I love free stuff.
After many gulps and swallows later, I loaded the kids back up in their coats and we made it back over to the Tire Place. No holes or punctures (always good news) but they did a re-bead on the rim, they thought it was bad. While I was there I had it aligned. To the tune of 100.00. I bit my tongue and paid the man, they did the job. Kids and I get in the truck and head out to the Little Store down the road to talk to Shelly, my friend that works down there. I got out of the truck and I could hear the air escaping. I didn't even make it inside. Turned right around and went back in to the Tire Place. It was after hours and I made them pull it back off and look at it. Come to find out there was a split on the backside of the tire, and it only leaked air when the weight of the vehical was on the tire. Another 50 bucks for a tire.
So after the alignment, lunch, and then a tire, yesterday turned out to be a pretty expensive day. I'm glad I had a little put back for "just in case money". The good thing about yesterday? I got the cute mechanic's number. Don't get excited, its to fix the fuel pump on the truck. Also? Someone complimented my kids. They said "I can't believe how well behaved they are". I smiled and thanked her many times. In my head I'm wondering, does she mean MY kids? (grumble grumble, lady was in the way of the door and I'm barely holding it together, my patience is wound way past the normal limit).
So now the tire is fixed, the kids and I are at home. Burritos in the oven cooking, I have 2 beers for after the kids go to sleep. I straightened my hair again, and even found some hot rollers at a thrift store a couple months ago. They are pretty much brandnew, still wrapped in plastic even (10 bucks!!!). Tomarrow I go back to work. As much as I love my job, I'm beginning to get burned out. January 19 Saturday Afternoon in Sorta-ville!Another excerpt from Sorta’s Busy Bunch: Tude: Mommy, Toad won’t let me in boys’ room. Me: What? Tude: I have to tell Bug something and Toad won’t let me in. Me: What do you have to tell Bug? Tude: We are playing a game and now Bug won’t play, and I want him to play with me. (Tude crawls up in my lap and lays her blonde head on my shoulder and plays with the ends of my hair, big tear drops falling off her nose and she’s sniffling.) Me: What game are you playing? Tude: House Me: Are you the Mommy? Tude: No, I’m the sister. Me: Is Bug the brother? Tude: No, he’s the worker Me: The worker? Tude: Yes, I’m the sister and he’s the worker. Me: What work does Bug do? Tude: Anything I want him too. Me: So why doesn’t Bug want to play with you? Tude: He’s my worker and I’m the sister. He won’t do what I tell him to. Now I want you to punish him. (From no where Bug comes storming in with the tie belt to my robe wrapped around his waist and he’s trying to untie it from a knot behind his shoulder blades.) Me: Bug what happened? Bug: Tude tied me up and was trying to ride me like a horse because I wouldn’t get her a drink! Me: Tude, what are you doing? Tude: I told him I wanted a drink of milk and he said no, so I was going to ride him in the kitchen and get a drink of milk myself! Bug: I am not a horse! Tude: Yes, YOU ARE!!! YOU ARE THE WORKER! I WANT A DRINK OF MILK! (I must have been sitting there with a stupid look on my face) Tude: (shoving Bug away) You’re supposed to carry me so I don’t have to walk! Bug: Mom, I think there is something wrong with Tude. (In the back room Toad is cracking up) Tude: Now no one wants to play with me!!!!!!!!!! (sobbing she jumps up and runs off to her room.)
Now in my professional opinion, I think that Tude tied Bug up with the tie part to my bathrobe and was forcing him to let her ride him like a horse to where ever she may want to go. I untied Bug and took the "robe rope" away. Yes, for those that are wondering. Tude is my daughter. January 17 Quick Blog before WorkToday I'm going in to work late. Weather is bad and the kids are out of school today. Even though the office doesn't open till 9:30, I'm going to lose all of my overtime. If you work overtime and then incliment weather hits ya, then they take your overtime and they apply it to what you have missed for weather. Kinda sucks ass to e honest. Yesterday, someone whistled at my on the street. I didn't turn around or flip the finger like I used to do, but I kept walking. Last thing I wanted to see what a skinny nasty crack smoker whisteling between his two rotten teeth at me. LOL. Nah, I'll just pretend if was Matt Damon or Brad Pitt, or Chris Daughtry (yum).
Things are going pretty swimmingly. Kids are even doing well. I don't have alot of time. I just wanted to let ya'll know something. I'm doing ok. I'm smiling more than I have in a very long time. I'm playing with the kids, Clue, Hullabaloo, Yahtzee, and more than you can think of when it comes to board games. I thought I would be crushed over Beau, and I was at first. Not like Zero where I never thought I would be able to breathe again, or The Denny's Boy where I felt so stupid and betrayed. I just let it all go. Actually I went to mass and then light a candle. I cried all through my lunch break then put my face back on (make-up) and then went back to work. I think that God took the pain from me, but I don't know. I don't know if i believe in God anymore. I guess there is something, but I don't know. God and I still aren't on good terms. I need to write a blog on religion. Maybe I'll do that tonight.
By the way, did I mention that I have internet at home again?! January 14 A new family tradition.After reading my last post, I'm thinking I'm really angry about my ex-husband, and I have good right. By releasing the anger, belive it or not, I felt much better. Another thing that comes to mind is, I really need to learn to spell. LOL. Either that or use spell check. Never have been the best speller, however that is what spell check is for.
So on a lighter note, i went to my friend Tae's last night. She's a girlfriend of mine from work. I have to admit my first real black friend. I actually met her over a year ago when I was working at ACH. I went to grab a hot dog from the vender on the corner and we struck up a conversation. After that I really enjoyed meeting her for lunch occassionally. She has 3 kids about my kids age, and we have tons in commen. We are both single parents, we get no help from the kids' dads. We find comfort in talking to each other. Everything from work to family to sex. Nothing better than dishing about boys than talking to someone else who is single and can dish and compare notes. In other words, girl talk. Our kids love to play together. Only difference is that her oldest is a girl, and god help me, but Toad man has a little crush on her. Scares me, my baby finding girls cute, even though it is never talking to her/him and walking on the complete opposit side of the room.
Anyways, last night I was over at her house hanging out for a bit and it was hair night. Thats when Tae takes the girls' braids out and then washes their hair and does it differently. It's really cool actually. With Tae on one side of her daughter's head and me on the other, it really didn't take long to help take out K's hair stuff. The entire time, Tae had on this old school R&B which was really cool. Tae took the top or higher voice while K took the lower and S (Tae's son) danced. They weren't shy or embaressed at bit. It was wonderful. By the end of it, my kids were dancing and trying to sing harmony's too. I knew that there was a tradition with doing hair among black people I just really didn't understand what it was. I don't know if it's the same in every family, but for Tae's family it worked great.
When it was time to go, everyone gave hugs and high fives. K and Toad avoided each other like the plauge. and Tae and I giggled. When the kids and I got home, it was Sunday night bath time. In other words, "Mom will come scrub you down if I see one speck of dirt on you" night. It's also the night that we do fingernail trimmings and I paint Tude's nails or straighten her hair. While I was running a flat iron through Tude's hair, I heard her humming. I could resist I hummed the counter part harmony to the song that she was humming. Doodlebug sat there cleaning his ears and tapping his foot. By the end of it all, we had the radio on and was jamming to KT Tunstall. I finished Tude's hair and grabbed the trimmers, and touched up the boys hair cut and double checked their grimey little boy toes. I tucked in three mini-mes and sat on my bed wondering what now. It was 8pm and I still wasn't tired. Even with having cable, there was nothing on to watch. Surfing the net didn't appeal, and I have read everything in the house. For a minute I missed Beau. This was always our time to talk. He only was here a few times, never stayed all night. He shared dinner with us a few times, but nothing all and all out. I wanted to slowly ease into this, now for obvious reasons. I almost missed him. I almost called him, but I didn't.
Instead I turned the flat iron back on, opened a chick beer (yes, I splurged a bit, it was payday on Friday), and began the 2 1/2 hour long process of straightening my own hair. I've died it sence I've had new pictures taken. It's a brown red with blonde highlights now. It doesn't look bad really, just different. Makes me look at little older. When it's straight it's down to the middle of my back, or maybe a little past. I've been growing my hair out sence the last major cut. I have to admit it looks pretty when it's straight. I took my time and made sure to get out all the kinks and curls. I painted my toe nails and fingernails, and lotioned up. By the end of the "Ladies Ritual" as Tude and I call it, I felt more girly than I had in a long time. As much as I liked Beau he was over critical of me. A compliment always ended up negitivly. He wasn't abusive by any means, but still it didn't make me feel very good at all. Which of course wears on my self-steem, which is of course the last thing that I need ever. Looking in the mirror and taking a brutal look at myself, I look young for 31. I didn't feel very old at all. In fact I felt beautiful.
I realized I was still humming and that I had never really stopped. I think we actually adopted a tradition. A family tradition. And it makes perfect sence, I don't know why I'm just now thinking about it, but bear with me here. Everyone likes to feel good. Part of feeling good is looking good. Part of looking good is taking care of yourself and those around you. By surrounding yourself with people who love you and want only the best for you. I think that in my own little corner of the world, I have found love and peace and happiness. The best part of all? It was always right here, right at my finger tips.
So tonight as I was sitting there watching TV after dinner, Tude brought me the hairbrush. "Mommy, brush my hair, so it will be pretty like yours.". I have admit, my eyes stung with tears. My baby girl loves me, and she didn't even have to tell me. I already knew. January 13 Happy New YearLately, with everything going on, and with life at it's fullest I havn't had much time to blog. Life is moving along at a clip, somethings never change and then sometimes things change alot. Hence my blog entry.
I've talked with Beau a couple times. He's sorry, well damn straight he is, cheating lieing fabrication SOB. He got drunk one night and called honey baby sweety pie. I listened to him for a minute..... basically cause I was bored and lonely. Didn't change my feelings much. Once your worthless, in my book, you remain worthless. I just can't seem to eraser bad character traits out. It just doesn't work for me like that. Kinda like Zero, rather see him at the bottom of a trashcan, where trash belongs.
I did however go have a drink with the Denny's Boy one night. Nothing serious just a few drinks between friends. He's still sexy as hell. He still thinks I am too. Would I everto him? Oh hell no, however it is good to know that I've still got it. I really needed to feel like I still was pretty and that I was still desired and wanted. Sometimes in life I get so caght up in work, life, kids, and everything else, that I forget that I need to be me too. Just to get out and let loose, kick it, you know.. all those things. Sometimes I forget that I'm only 31, on most days I feel like I'm in my 40s.
Court with the Smacktard is coming up really soon. Which is the reason for this blog, to explain to SC. Here is goes dolly.
And that my dear SC is why we are going to court. There is alot more but I'm not wanting to say right now, sometimes I feel pretty over whelmed and I'll right more after court is over, never can be to careful ya know.
Till next time............
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